I Live My Life in One Straight Line
by Zane's Girl- Jo
Summary: When the spirit world is constantly trying to draw you in, even when you're tethered to the mortal world, can you balance your body & soul? Would you kill the one you loved so you could live in one world, or take your own life to live in another?
1. Chapter 1

**Live My Life In One Straight Line**

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**Summary: Is it possible to live your life in one straight line? What about when the spirit world is constantly trying to draw you in, even when you're tethered to the mortal world? Can you balance your body _and_ your soul? And when that delicate balance is tipped, what happens? What would you do to remain in one or join the other? Would you commit murder? And who would you sacrifice? Would you kill the one you loved so you could live in one world, or take your own life to live in another? _Surrender now and win the fight.... this girl's walk of fire and ice, but I come out on the other side of paradise..... _**

**A/N: Anyone remember the Disney Channel television series _So Weird_? I used to love that show as a kid, still do, and was listening to the theme song on YouTube, and started to write. This is what came of that midnight writing. **

**A/N: AU, booksical.**

"Fabala! Fabala! Honey wake up!"

My eyes slowly opened, and adjusted to the darkness. I saw the moon watching me from the window, saw my desk, dresser, boudior, and bookbag sleeping silently within the darkness. The books I'd been reading were stacked on the desk, the last one open with my bookmark laying against the spine. The full moon watched in the darkness of the night, focusing intently on me. I didn't move, didn't breathe, as I waited to hear the voice speak again.

"Fabala! Honey wake up."

I looked around, searching for the owner of the voice, and seeing nothing, decided that my sleep addled brain was playing a trick on me. I was hearing things, and pulling the covers back over my head and letting sleep take over again would be the wisest choice. Once I slipped back into dreamland, it couldn't play pranks anymore...

"Fabala, honey, it's me."

I sat up, and rubbed the sleep from my eyes, thoroughly searching my room for the voice and its owner, and seeing nothing, I turned, beat my pillow, and prepared to snuggle back down and sleep, when a flash of light caught the corner of my eye. I turned my head, to see a woman on the other side of my room, a woman who was now making her way _towards_ my bed. As she got closer, I saw that she had long, thick mahogany hair, high cheekbones, a heart-shaped face, and piercing ice blue eyes. Eyes I recognized....

My voice came out in a choked whisper, and I felt the tears start to well in my eyes as she got closer.

"Mama?"

She nodded at my whispered question, and knelt down next to my bed. The black shrug she wore fit her body perfectly, much like I remembered. Shivers traveled up my spine as she reached out and ran her fingers down my cheek- or rather through it- a soft smile on her face. Her eyes seemed to take me in, noticing changes that I'd been denying for the last several years.

"You've grown so big, my darling. You've gotten to be so beautiful. Look at you, you're not my little girl anymore, you're growing to be a beautiful woman..... I don't see how Father can hate you so. You look just like me." I sighed and reached up, brushing my bangs out of my face.

"That... that's _why_ he hates me. You. I remind him of you, and he hates that. He doesn't like to be reminded of you, so he treats me like a servant." She nodded, and reached up to brush a tear off my cheek- a tear I hadn't even known I'd been shedding. I never cry, I hate to. It just reminds me that I'm weak, and I can't be weak.

"I'm sorry Fabala." All I could do was smile at her.

"It's okay. I don't love him. I know that I should because he's my father, but.... I don't know.... I just can't....." I looked down at my hands, ashamed. She was silent, and I thought she'd disappeared, but when she raised my chin to look into her eyes, I knew she hadn't left. Her eyes were grave, her face serious. She looked about to cry.

"Fabala...." She took a deep breath, before speaking slowly. "Frex.... Frex isn't your father." I felt my eyebrows knit in confusion, and I pulled away.

"What?"

"He's not your father. Oscar is."

"Who's Oscar?!" I cried, backing away from her.

"He's... he was a traveler I fell in love with before you were born. We.... we had a tryst and...." She couldn't go on, as her cheeks were too red for her to continue. Quickly, my harried mind put two and two together, and I cried out, covering my mouth with my hands. She cringed at my scream. "Fabala, I never meant to hurt you. If I'd known what Frex would do to you, I would have run and taken you with me, but..... I didn't know! I didn't know...." I backed away, crawling until I was against the wall, my eyes never leaving her.

_"How could you? How could you subject me to... to twelve years of hell! Just to save yourself?" _

She reached for me.

_"I didn't mean to! I didn't know! And I didn't save myself! I stayed for as long as I could-"_

_"And then you took your own life! To be rid of him! Why didn't you take me with you?"_ I cried, trying to understand.

_"Because you have a future! A beautiful, bright future, and I wasn't going to steal it from you! Fabala, please, believe me!" _I shook my head and covered my ears, as tears slid down my cheeks, the truth sinking in.....

My mother's scream caused my eyes to snap open, and I sat up, gasping for breath. I looked around quickly, but she was no where to be found. And why would she be?

I pulled my knees to my chest and rubbed my face, tangling my fingers in my hair, thinking back on my dream. It was a simple answer to a simple question.

The reason my mother couldn't _possibly_ be here, held a frank answer:

She's dead.


	2. Chapter 2

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**A/N: Who here doesn't remember/has never heard of the tv series _So Weird_? Okay, I'm gonna tell you- or refresh your memory.**

_**So Weird **_**was a tv show that used to be on the OLD Disney Channel (before Jonas Brothers, Hannah Montana and Demi Lavato) at about 7-8 p.m. It follows the adventures of Fi (Fiona) Phillips, a pre-teen girl who is followed/drawn into/contacted by the paranormal (ghosts, aliens, time travel, gremlins, etc) while going across country with her older brother, family friends, and rockstar mom. Mackenzie Phillips was in _So Weird_- long before the scandal broke- as the mother. If you type "In the Darkness (full theme song of So Weird)" into YouTube, it will bring up the whole song and your can listen to it. The show ran from 1999 - 2001.**

**Question: WHY WOULD MELENA KILL HERSELF?!?!**

**Answer: It will be revealed later on in the story**

**Thanks to lizziemagic and Issa(dot)wicked17 for reviewing 1.**

_Six Years Later_

_"Fabala! Fabala!"_

The voice broke through my dreamlike state, as my eyes snapped open and I raised my head slightly to hear better. Once I realized it was my sister, and not some crazy-eyed spirit come to chat me up for an hour or two, I returned my head to the pillow below.

"Mmmmm..."

_"Fabala! Wake up you lazy bean pole! You'll miss your train!"_

Groaning once again, I reached down, and pulled my blankets over my head, before returning to sleep. Just as I was returning to that blissful place called Dreamland, the covers were ripped off my head. Letting out a half-hearted groan, I reached down and pulled them back over my head. Not ten minutes later, they were again wrenched away. This time, I buried my face in the pillow.

"Fabala, sweetie, you'd better get up and get ready. You have to leave soon." I raised myself onto my elbows, and turned, to see someone sitting on the floor of my bedroom.

_"What do you want?" _I growled, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I sat up.

"Nice to see you too, Fabala." I looked at her, before slowly getting up. "So, are you excited?"

"For what?" I asked, as I began to get dressed.

"For Shiz! My little girl is going away to college!" She cried. When I looked up next, she was standing beside me, wrapping me in a hug- a hug that was all _too_ awkward for me. Not just because she was my mother- my _dead_ mother- but also because I'd rarely been hugged in the last eighteen years of my life, even_ before _my mother died. "You're going away to one of the most prestigious, oldest colleges in Oz! I'm so proud of you, baby! My little girl is going to be at the top of her class, which will be no surprise, because she's always been top of her class!" I raised my eyebrows in mockery of her enthusiasm.

"Technically, Emerald University is the oldest and most prestigious university in Oz, and I would have gone there, if Frex hadn't insisted I go to Shiz because you and _every other _'respectable Thropp' of our line has attended Shiz since it opened." I said, quoting Frex word for word. "Although I don't know why it would matter, since I'm not _technically_ a Thropp-" She sighed.

"Fabala, please, let it go."

"Let what go?" I asked, as I finished getting dressed and began packing.

"Don't do this, Fabala." I moved past- or more moved through- her and went to my bed, where I finished my packing, ignoring her completely. "Fabala, please, we have to discuss this."

"There's nothing to discuss."

"Fabal- _Elphaba_," I looked up when she put her hand through my suitcase. "Please. We need to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about. Okay?" Once I'd finished, I grabbed my bags, and left, hurrying down the stairs.

"But Fabala! I need to tell you-"

"_I don't need to be told anything!"_ I shouted, but stopped when I got to the bottom of the stairs, to see Nessa and Nanny waiting with Frex. Choking out a soft laugh, I gave them all a small smile, and joined them. "Sorry about that. So... I'm ready. Is the carriage here?" Nanny and Frex nodded, and led us out to the carriage waiting for me.

"Who were you talking too?" Nessa asked as we walked outside, my hand on her back. She leaned into me, and tossed her head, opening her mouth to tell me to fix her bangs, but I jumped and fixed them before she could. Oh the perks of being armless.

"No one." I replied, stopping at the carriage. She looked me over once or twice, before,

"I always knew you were weird." I smiled at her.

"Love you too, Nessa."

Then, I nodded goodbye to Nanny and Frex, climbed into the carriage, settled back, and rejoiced in the feeling of it carrying me away from Colwen Grounds.


	3. Chapter 3

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**Thanks to lizziemagic for reviewing 2.**

The train ride was long and boring. I read the majority of the ride, and watched the scenery change the rest. Somewhere between then and my arrival at Shiz, I drifted off to sleep without realizing it.

"Elphaba. _El_phaba. Elphaba, wake up. Wake up." Slowly, my eyes opened, and I found myself staring into a young boy's ice blue eyes. Blinking several times, I sat up, looking around.

"Sh- Shell?" He nodded, a small smile on his face. "Wh- what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you, so I climbed on the train and searched for your compartment." He replied, sitting down across from me.

"But--" My mouth dropped, and I shook my head, shaking away my previous thoughts. "Never mind." We sat in silence for the remainder of the train ride, but soon, the ever pressing silence began to get to me, and I climbed to my feet and started pacing. "Shell, I'm going to be going to school."

"I know."

"What?"

"I know. Mama told me." I sighed again, and sat down on the seat across from him. Rubbing my temples, I asked,

"Did she tell _everyone_?"

"Well, it's kind of a big deal, Fabala. You're the first girl since Mama to go to college. It's a big deal." I sighed, and turned to look out the window.

"It's not that big a deal, Shell. Everyone goes to school. You-"

He lowered his head, and sniffed.

"I'm sorry Shell. I didn't mean-"

"It's okay Fabala." Then, he got up, and sat next to me. His small arms wrapped around me, and I hugged him close, breathing in his scent.

The jolting of the train woke me from my sleep, and it took me a few minutes to realize that the train was stopping. My eyes searched for Shell, before turning to the window. Once I'd made it out of the train and to the carriage that would take me to the school, I tried to remember my dream. It was only when we pulled up in front of Shiz, and I got a good look at the old school that my dream was forgotten.

It was huge, towering over everything and everyone, with ornate detail- I remember Mama telling me that Shiz used to be a Unionist church and monestary before it was a school. Quickly, I scrambled out of the carriage, and made my way through the iron gates. Hundreds of other students gathered in clusters in the green, and I watched them as we waited for the headmistress. When she finally showed up- a Fish of a woman- she made her usual introduction speech, which I tuned out, and only tuned back in when she began to assign rooms.

"Miss Thropp?"

Taking a deep breath, I stepped forward.

"R... right here, Madame." She turned to me, and held out a key.

"Ah, the govenor's daughter." I could feel my cheeks going red with embarrassment. "I'm sure you can regale us with tales of your family's history, after all, the Thropps are the most prominent family in Oz. And they seem to hold an great many..... gifts." I swallowed nervously, as the other students studied me. "Room 1995, Miss Thropp. You'll be rooming with Miss Upland."

A blonde girl stepped forward when her name was called. I hated her instantly. She was so short and puffy and blonde.... and pink. I shuddered inwardly, and glared at her as we headed up to our room. Once inside, I claimed the bed next to the window, and we silently unpacked. Not long after, we both got acquainted with the campus, had dinner, and went to bed. I lay there most of the night trying to sleep, but being in a new place and seeing my little brother again kept me up all night tossing and turning. When it looked like I wouldn't get any sleep whatsoever, I climbed out of bed and went to the window, watching the stars.

I must have fallen alseep at the window, because I was awoken by someone shaking me.

"Fabala! Fabala!"

My eyes snapped open to see my brother standing across from me, worry etched on his face.

"Shell? Wh... what are you doing here?"

"Mama sent me to check up on you." I groaned and rolled my eyes.

"Can't she leave me alone?"

"She just wants to make sure you're okay."

"Well it's driving me insane." I replied, going back to bed. He followed and sat down next to me.

"But Fabala-"

"No."

"Fabala-"

"Go away Shell."

"But-"

_"Go."_

_"What are you screaming about?"_

My eyes snapped open, and I turned to see that blonde cupcake Glinda sitting up in her bed, watching me like I was an escaped mental patient. Sitting up, I brushed my hair out of my face and took a deep breath.

"N.... nothing. Just a nightmare."

She glared at me.

"Good. Now try to keep it down, I need my beauty sleep."

I rolled my eyes.

"_Oh please. No amount of beauty sleep is going to make you look any prettier you Pig_." I muttered, laying back down and covering my head. Then, I stuck my fingers in my ears, closed my eyes, and hummed, hoping against hope that they would leave me alone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**Question: is Shell dead too?**

**Answer: I'm not saying. What do you think?**

**Question: What happened to Shell?**

**Answer: you'll find out soon... maybe**

**Thanks to Issa(dot)wicked17, lizziemagic, and Hedwig466 for reviewing 3.**

The next morning, I awoke early, got dressed, and slipped out of the dorm, needing a little time to myself. Closing and locking the door behind me, so my brainless roommate could get some more "beauty sleep" (although no amount could make her look any less like a Pig), I slipped the key into my pocket, stuck my hands into the pockets of my ratty old grey hoodie, and moved down the hall, my sneakers slipping slightly on the smooth floor. As I headed down the hall, towards the steps leading to the first floor of Crage, I shook my head to clear it. Something behind me made me pause, however, and I stopped, before glancing over my shoulder.

Nothing.

Dismissing it, I continued, but when I felt it again, I stopped and looked behind me again.

Nothing.

"You're being ridiculous Elphaba, there's no one there." And I continued to the stairs, that same feeling nagging again at my stomach. I thought I caught sight of something rushing behind me, and I stopped, turning to search the hall and finding no one. My guard now up, I lowered it, and released the breath I'd been holding. Realizing that no one was there, I turned to go, only to come face-to-face with my brother. Letting out a scream of surprise, I stumbled back, landing on my back. The crack as my head made contact with the floor caused me to momentarily black out, but when I opened my eyes, I found Shell looking down at me.

"Sorry Fabala, did I scare you?" Sighing, I pushed myself to my elbows, and glared at him.

"Oh no, I like to come face-to-face with ghosts every day. What do you think, Shell?" I asked, reaching up to feel the back of my head. "Ow." No blood, so I'd only just rattled my brain a little. Then, I climbed to my feet, and tossed my hair over my shoulder.

"Sorry." He whispered, crestfallen. Seeing the look on his face, I sighed, and held out my arms.

"Come here." He threw his arms around my waist, and buried his face in my chest, content. I hugged him for several minutes, before quickly pulling away as chills ran up my spine and my teeth began to chatter. I began to rub my arms, and watched him as he ducked his head, embarrassed. "God, what did you do? Sleep in a freezer?" I asked, as I rubbed my arms harder.

"Sorry." He whispered, embarrassed.

"What are you doing here anyway, Shell? Who sent you?" After a moment, he met my eyes and without saying anything, I knew who'd sent him. "No. _No. You can't be serious!_ You can't be- Oh God, why won't she just leave me alone! She's dead and gone, and _just because _you _can_ check up on me, _doesn't mean you should_! Why doesn't she get that?" I ranted, tangling my fingers in my hair before throwing my hands up in aggrivation. Shell stayed silent and listened. "I'm an adult, for crying out loud! I'm eighteen! I can take care of myself! I don't need my mother checking up on me, especially my _dead mother_!" Then, I turned to Shell, and watched him for a few moments. _"And I don't need my dead baby brother to act as her messenger!" _I snapped, leaning close to him. He flinched, but I didn't care. I watched him for a moment, before turning and hurrying down the stairs to the first floor. Then, I hurried to the door, pushed it open, and hurried through campus.

I hurried through campus, my feet leading my to the cafeteria. Stopping in front of the doors, I looked through the windows, only to find it dark. So I pirouetted, and headed to the gates, slipping through them and heading into town. As I wandered downtown, I found that most of the shops were either still closed or just opening up. I checked quickly for a shop that was open, and spotted a diner that seemed to be accepting customers, so I quickly hurried over to it.

Once I stepped onto the sidewalk, I realized that it wasn't a diner, but a small off-campus cafe. I looked through the window, before pulling the door open and entering. It looked like a normal cafe, with small round tables situated at various places, a sofa and an armchair in a back corner, a deli window and case, and a place for laptops. I scanned the place, to find only myself in the cafe.

Alone.

"Welcome to the Tangled Heart Cafe." My head snapped to the counter, and I saw a young man standing behind the counter, wiping it down.

"Thanks." I replied, moving towards him. My eyes scanned the deli case, spotting blueberry and banana nut scones, and I struggled to swallow the lump in my throat. Quickly, I turned my attention to the coffee selections hanging on a board behind the counter. "Um... just a... cup of raspberry tea." I told him, reaching for my purse. It was then that I realized that I didn't have it with me. In my haste to get out of the dorm, and away from Shell, I'd forgotten my purse and wallet. My teeth found my bottom lip, and bit. "A... actually, on second thought," I started, looking up at him. "Don't worry about it."

He waited. "You sure?" I nodded.

"Yeah. Thanks anyway." Quickly, I turned to go, not paying any attention to the sound of hot water raining into a cup. I weaved through the tables, and pushed the door open when the guy's voice stopped me.

"Hey!" I stopped, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath to calm my already snapped nerves. Swallowing, I glanced over my shoulder. "Here." Fully turning, I saw him set a steaming cup of water on the counter. My eyes quickly went from the counter to him and back, trying to make sense of what he was doing. "You can take it. It won't hurt you." Against my will, I walked back towards the counter. "Go on. It's yours."

My thumbnail came up to rest between my teeth, and I chewed gently, wrapping my other arm around myself, as I glanced once again from the cup to him. "You sure?" I asked through my teeth. He nodded. After a moment, I reached out to take it, stopping inches from it and glancing up at him again. "You _sure_?" He nodded again. I lowered my thumbnail from my mouth, and wrapped my hand around the cup. "Thank you." I whispered.

"The tea bags and sugar are around the corner." He said, nodding to the right. Silent, I went around the corner, and set the cup down on the counter, before grabbing a tea bag, taking it out, and steeping it in the water. I watched it turn red, before removing the bag and tossing it in the trash. As I added cream, honey, sugar, and stirred, I couldn't help feeling his eyes on me, and finally I looked up.

Blue eyes met me, and I blushed.

"Thank you." I whispered, taking a sip.

"Welcome." We stood in silence, he setting up for the day, me sipping my tea, before he held out his hand. "I'm Fiyero."

"Elphaba." I replied, shaking.

"Nice to meet you." He whispered, going back to the counters.

"You too." Setting my cup down, I rested my hands against the counter and looked around, before returning to him.

"So, do you go to school?" He asked, filling the coffee filter and turning it on. I nodded.

"Yeah. Shiz." He stopped.

"Shiz?" I nodded again, as he laughed softly.

"What?"

"Well, small world. I go there too. Start-"

"Tomorrow?" He nodded. "What are you majoring in?"

"Literature. Historical literature and the gothic. You?"

"I haven't decided yet," I told him, embarrassed. "Isn't that what college is supposed to be about? Discovering what you're good at?"

"I guess. Yeah. To find what you're good at, discover who you are, break away from what everyone else wants you to be."

"You sound like you know all about that." I muttered, sipping my tea. He chuckled.

"I do. I... don't want to do what my parents _want_ me to do." He said, leaning against the counter.

"What do your parents _want_ you to do?"

"Rule the Vinkus." I stopped, mid-sip, and stared at him.

"Wait." I said, setting my cup down. "You... _you're_ the Crown Prince?" He nodded.

"Guilty. Unfortunately."

"But, why are you working here if you're royalty?"

"Well, you said you were here to discover yourself, didn't you?"

"Yeah."

"So, I'm here to work."

"But-"

"I don't want to be a crown prince forever. I want to settle down, raise a family, teach. I don't want the title."

"But- never mind." I decided against it, shaking my head.

"What? You think I just want to be royal? It's not all it's cracked up to be, Elphaba." I nodded.

"Thank you. For the tea." I whispered. He met my eyes.

"You're welcome." I tossed the empty cup into the trash, before waving to him and heading to the door. Just as I pushed it open however, I heard a voice.

"Fabala!" I turned to Fiyero, but he hadn't called.

So I turned back to the door.

And promptly blacked out.


	5. Chapter 5

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

Haze filled my mind, and slowly, a voice broke through the fog, along with the feel of water on my skin. I shook my head back and forth slowly, as the fog began to clear, and the voice got louder.

"Elphaba! Elphaba, are you okay? Elphaba!"

Light assaulted my eyes as I cracked them open, and soon Fiyero began to clear and smooth out. Groaning, I reached up to lay a hand on my forehead, only to find him dabbing my skin with a wet cloth.

"_Ow_. What happened?"

"You passed out."

I sighed and closed my eyes, swallowing. "Great. Did I crack my head open in the process?" He checked quickly, before returning his eyes to mine.

"No. You just hit the ground hard." I groaned again, and removed my hand.

"Well that's good. I guess." He chuckled gently, dabbed at my cheek with the cloth, and removed it, before helping me sit up. "So, did I stumble or what?" I asked, looking around. He chuckled again.

"No, you just sort of crumpled. Quite nicely actually." He told me, climbing to his feet.

"Well, that's good. At least I'm good at something." I muttered, as he reached down and took my hands before pulling me to my feet. Unsteady, I grabbed ahold of his arm, and he grasped my elbows, holding me steady.

"You okay?" I nodded. "You want to sit down?" I shook my head. "You sure?" I nodded again, and pulled away to take a step, when I felt my knees crumple. He grabbed me around the waist and pulled me too him. "Woah, careful. Okay, let's sit down. Come on." And he led me away from the door and behind the counter before taking me into the kitchen of the cafe. A small table was in the kitchen, and he sat me down at it, before pulling the other chair close and grabbing another wet cloth. It was cold against my forehead, and I winced. "Sorry." He pulled the cloth away, and I caught the sight of blood. "Hmm. That's strange. You hit the back of your head, but you've got a cut on your forehead." He folded the cloth so that a clean corner was showing, and then pressed it to my forehead. "Hold this right like that. I'm going to go get the first aid kit." I nodded, and did as told, as he disappeared into a side room. He came back five minutes later, set it down on the table, opened it, and then removed the cloth from my forehead. "Okay, here we go."

"Ow." I hissed as he applied cream to it, and then two thin strips on top.

"There."

"Thank you." I whispered. He nodded.

"Welcome." He put the first aid kit away, then fixed two cups of tea and set them on the table. "Did you hit your head or just collapse?" Slowly, I sipped the tea, and debated on what to tell him.

"I didn't hit my head."

"It didn't look like you did. You just collapsed." I bit my lip, and looked down at the cup. Should I tell him? He seemed trustworthy. But would he accept the story, or call me crazy and kick me out of the cafe?

"I... I saw my brother." He raised his eyebrows.

"_That's_ why you blacked out? Because you saw your brother?" I nodded. "Well, that's-"

"He's dead."

He stopped mid-sentence, and stared at me.

"Dead?" I nodded. "So you saw someone that _looked_ like your brother."

"No, I saw my brother." He scoffed and stood.

"Right. You saw your dead brother."

"I'm _serious_. I saw my baby brother."

"Sure you did." He said, picking up the cups and placing them in the sink.

"I knew I shouldn't have told you!" I cried, climbing to my feet.

"Well when you start talking crazy-"

"I'm not crazy! I saw my baby brother! Yes, he's dead, but I saw him! I _know_ I saw him! I've always seen him!" Fiyero rolled his eyes. "I knew I shouldn't have told you." I muttered, moving past and going into the cafe.

"Elphaba!"

I didn't stop, just headed to the door and pushed it open.

"Thanks for the tea!" I called before slipping out of the cafe and heading down the street. I walked for several minutes, hands buried in the pockets, hood up, lost in thought, when I heard someone catching up to me.

"Elphaba!"

Sending a quick glance over my shoulder, I rolled my eyes and continued on.

"Go away, Fiyero."

"Elphaba, you're sure you saw your brother? Positive?"

"Yes. But why should it matter? You don't believe me anyway."

He sighed.

"Elphaba, I-"

"What do you want, Fiyero?" I asked, stopping and turning to him.

"I- I-"

I waited, but when he didn't get any further, turned and continued back to Shiz. Minutes later, I heard him catch up to me.

"Elphaba-"

"Is that all you can say, Fiyero? Because if it is, I suggest you keep your mouth shut."

"I'm sorry for the way I reacted." He said, stopping.

_"Right."_

"Elphaba, I'm serious." He replied, grabbing my arm and turning me towards him. We locked eyes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did, but I didn't know if what you were saying was true."

"Why should I care?" I asked, wrenching away from him and continuing on. Finally, we returned to Shiz and slipped through the gate onto campus. As I continued to Crage, I asked over my shoulder, "Why should you care if what I'm saying is true?"

"Because I know what you are. I know what you do."


	6. Chapter 6

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

I stopped.

_"I know what you are. I know what you do."_

Was he serious? No. He had to be joking. He _had_ to be. No way he could know that I saw the dead, that I talked to them. The only way he could have known, was when I told him that I'd seen Shell- but he didn't believe me then, so why should I believe him now?

After a moment, I bit my lip and turned to him.

"You're playing with me, aren't you?"

"What?" I moved towards him, forcing him to back away.

"You think I'm nuts, so you're playing along to appease me! Well let me tell you, I don't need your sick sympathy." Then, I turned and hurried to Crage.

"I don't think you're nuts. And I'm not trying to be sympathetic. I know what you are, Elphaba."

"Oh God, can't you just stop? _Just. Stop!_ Stop the games and tricks and _leave me alone_!" I cried, hurrying to the door and grabbing it. Locked. Figures, it was only seven. Most people wouldn't be up until at least ten, since it was a Saturday. Groaning, I turned and moved past Fiyero, taking one of the paths through campus, hearing Fiyero behind me.

"I'm not playing games with you, Elphaba. I swear to you, I'm not."

"No? Then what are you doing, because you sure fooled me."

"I- you see the dead, don't you?"

I scoffed.

"Um, yeah. I told you that. That's what started this arguement in the first place."

"Do they talk to you?"

"What do you mean 'do they talk to me?' Of course they talk to me! They don't _shut up_! They _never shut up_! You wouldn't believe how chatty the dead can be." I muttered, as we continued through campus.

"Do they ever try to pull you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." He stopped, and grabbed my arm, stopping me. We stood in the middle of campus, staring at each other.

"Do they try to pull you?"

"I don't know what that means." I replied. He nodded.

"So they do. You just don't realize it." He whispered. Then, he turned and walked towards the canal that goes through campus.

"What? What do you mean they 'pull me?' You think I'm really that stupid as to not know when they're doing something to me?" I asked, catching up to him. He stood from kneeling by the river, and turned to me.

"They pull you. They try to get you to cross into their world. That's what I mean."

I shook my head. "Then no. They don't do that. They never have and they never will."

He sighed.

"Elphaba-"

"And you say I'm the nut. I'm not the nut. _You are_!" I cried, turning and heading back towards the path.

"You're a _shamka_!"

I stopped, and turned to look at him.

"A what?" I asked, meeting his eyes.

"A _shamka_."

My feet took me back to him, until we stood a foot apart. Confused, I asked,

"What's a-"

"A spirit talker. A medium. Someone who can contact the spirit world. They can see the dead. Talk to them. They're very respected in the Vinkus." He met my eyes. "The only down side, is that they feel forced to choose between the mortal world and the spirit world. Because they see and hear the dead, it means that the dead are constantly trying to force them to cross the river."

"Cross the river?"

"Go from this world to theirs. They feel that _shamkas _are portals to the mortal world, and often times, the spirits feel threatened by those in the mortal realm. So they pull the person to their world, because to them, they belong in their world. It's... not uncommon for a _shamka_ to take their own life in order to join the spirits, nor is it uncommon for them to kill those they love in order to remain in the mortal world. What these people possess is a horrible gift, that takes without giving. And there's no way to stop it."

He sighed, and sat down underneath the cherry tree we stood under.

"I-"

"You possess two selves- your mortal self and your spirit self, and both are stronger than a normal person's are."

"How do you know all this?" I whispered, going to him and kneeling across from him. He smiled softly, sadly.

"My sister was a _shamka_. She suffered the way you do. And she... she chose the spirit world when she was eighteen. She couldn't handle it. Often times, _shamkas_ make horrible choices. My sister was one of them."

"I'm sorry." He nodded gently.

"There was nothing we could do." Sighing, I moved until I sat next to him. Pressing my back against the tree, I leaned my head back and swallowed, taking a deep breath.

"Can I stop this?" I asked softly, meeting his eyes. He shook his head.

"No. You'll always live with this. Assuming you'll live long enough to tell it. Most shamkas don't. The pull is too strong, and they have to choose one or the other. Go to the spirit world, or stay in the mortal one. Most choose death over life."

"Like your sister?"

"Yeah."

"What was her name?"

"Cassiyta. It means 'spirit speaker' in Vinkun. I always thought my parents did the wrong thing, naming her that. Especially..." I looked down, gently, laid my hand over his.

"So... what you're saying... is that I'm one of these... sharkmas?"

"_Shamka_." He corrected gently.

"_Shamka."_

He nodded, so I assumed I'd pronounced it correctly.

"Correct." He whispered, but I didn't hear him, because by then, my mind had shut off when his lips brushed mine.


	7. Chapter 7

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**Thanks to Hedwig466 for reviewing 6.**

He tasted like coffee- bitter, pure, whole. I'd never tasted anything so... harsh.

I felt my arms go around his neck and pull him closer, deepening the kiss, as his lips nudged mine open. It didn't register that I was kissing someone I'd just met, the only thing that registered in my numb mind, was that he tasted wonderful, and that I couldn't get enough of him. I pulled him closer, until we lay in the grass, touching, kissing, joining. I couldn't stop myself from tugging his shirt over his head, nor did I want to. No one would hear us, no one would even notice us.

When he removed the grey hoodie I wore and kissed my neck, I moaned softly, as my eyes rolled back. Every touch, every caress, sent electric shocks up my nerves. Never having been kissed, I never wanted it to end. It was too wonderful. When his hands slipped under my t-shirt, and pulled it over my head, it should have registered that we were getting carried away, that we were bound to do something we regretted, but it didn't. And while my head kept trying to tell me that what we were doing was wrong, my heart kept insisting that what we were doing was right. So I chose my heart over my head.

When we removed our jeans, and I pulled him closer, he whispered, "We shouldn't be doing this."

"I don't care." I replied, capturing his lips again. I wanted him to ruin me. I don't know why, I just did. Perhaps it was because Mama had been ruined before she married Frex- by that son of a bitch, Oscar. Apparently, Mama and Frex had gotten married not long after she found out she was pregnant, and passed her pregnancy- me- off as his. Why that came to my head at that time, I'll never know, but it did.

Before I knew it, we were making love, or, okay, if you want to get technical, fucking, since we _certainly_ didn't love each other. The only thing I kept thinking of, was Mama. Of how she spent twelve years of my life hiding my true father from me, of how she left me to deal with the beatings, the insults, the abuse. With each memory, I grew to hate her more, and took it out of Fiyero, digging my nails into his back with each painful rememberance. When we finally reached our climax, and later lay in each others' arms, I felt like I knew my mother less and less.

"You ruined me."

"We should have stopped." I sat up, and pulled my knees to my chest.

"I wanted to be ruined." I whispered, resting my head on my knees, my hair falling over my body. I closed my eyes, and heard him getting dressed, but I didn't move. "Like my mother was."

"Your mother?" I nodded.

"She had an affair, got pregnant with me, and then married another man to cover up her mistake. I've never forgiven her. I can't. I don't know how."

"Some people don't deserve forgiveness." I knew he was talking about his sister. I don't know how, I just did.

We sat in silence for several minutes, before I finally got dressed, and then curled up under the tree.

"Who did your sister see?" He met my eyes.

"Every spirit possible. Our grandparents, deceased tribesmen, children. Any and every. Why?"

"I see everyone that's passed on. But mainly my mother and my brother. I see them a lot."

"How did your brother die?" After a moment, I spoke up.

"Car accident. He was hit by a car, died in my arms. He was ten. I was fourteen. The bastard that hit him fled. Hit and run. They never caught him."

"And your mother?"

"Suicide."

"Did she-"

"No. Abuse. My 'father' beat her, beat me, my brother. The only one he won't hurt is his precious Nessarose. My half-sister. I hate her."

"Is she-"

"She's armless. Born that way. She thinks it's worse than green skin. But nothing's worse than green skin." We sat in silence before he got up and pulled me to my feet. As I pulled my hoodie on, he continued walking, so that I had to catch up. "How do I stop this?"

"What do you mean?"

"How do I stop this? This... pulling."

He scoffed softly.

"You don't."

"You have to. I can't live with this forever."

Finally, he stopped and turned to me.

"_What don't you get, Elphaba_? _You don't stop this!_ You _can't_. Shamkas have no control over what the spirits want. They're just the test subjects. _They don't have a say in whether they live or die!_ I know! I've seen it."

"Your sister."

"I watched her talk to the spirits, I watched her waste away because of what they were doing to her. I saw her wandering the halls, the grounds at night, and when she wandered down to the lake and threatened to throw herself in, I threw my arms around her and begged her not to. I watched her stop eating, stop sleeping, stop living. By the time she died, Cassiyta looked like the walking dead. She'd lost so much weight, she was nothing but skin and bones."

"How did she die?"

He closed his eyes and swallowed. When he opened them again, tears swam in their blue depths.

"Overdose. She was given pills to help her sleep, and she overdosed. I found her in her room, buried under her blankets. I've never forgotten it." I reached up and wiped my cheeks, realizing that I was also crying. Sniffling, I wrapped my arms around him and held him close.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. "I'm so sorry."


	8. Chapter 8

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**Thanks to Hedwigg466 for reviewing 7.**

We returned to the cafe, and Fiyero fixed lunch. We ate in the kitchen, sitting in silence, both too embarrassed about what had go ne on between us to speak. When we'd finished lunch, we sat sipping coffee.

"Shouldn't you be working?" I asked.

"Before you got here, we were busy, from the time you arrived to now are the slow hours. They very rarely get anyone at this time." I nodded.

"Do... you ever feel as though you don't belong?" I asked, running my finger over the rim of my cup.

"All the time." He replied, setting his cup down.

"Why? You're normal. You don't have this screwed up curse hanging around you."

"Being royal can be a curse, Elphaba." We sat in silence; having stolen each other's virginity tied us together, no matter how we tried to fight it. Both of us were ruined, and for me, that was how I wanted it. I wanted to be ruined. Sighing, I asked,

"Do you ever feel like you don't know why you're here?"

"No. I don't. Why? Do you?" I nodded.

"I don't know why I'm here. I'm as lost as a tourist in the Emerald City. And this... ghost thing... just makes it worse."

Gently, he reached out and took my hand, squeezing it. We both returned to campus later that afternoon, and by then, other students were out and about. We walked through the green, passing a group of girls, and I even saw my roommate with some girls she'd obviously made friends with. A bunch of preppy wannabes with designer everything. They turned when Fiyero and I passed, and she watched me. In response, I glared at her.

"That's your roommate? I'm so sorry, Galinda." A brunette said.

"She looks like a fucking charity case." Another blonde pointed out.

"She woke me up last night with her screaming." Galinda said.

"I heard her talking to someone out in the hall. She sounded angry." A redhead told them. "When I looked, she was gone, and there was no one there."

"She's a fucking freak." Galinda told them. That sent my blood boiling. Rounding on them, I marched over to where they stood, and glared at my roomie.

"If anyone's the fucking freak, it's you!" I replied. "I've never seen so much pink in my entire life, you fat cow!" Her mouth dropped open. She stayed silent for a while, before finally speaking.

"Why don't you fuck off, you skank!" I saw red. And immediately after, I slapped her hard. She stumbled back and grabbed her cheek.

"Bitch!" I snapped, turning and leaving.

"Go ahead and run, you little green slut! Fucking skank!" Normally, I'd be able to control my temper. Frex's insults and abuse I could handle, but not hers. Not this. I don't remember anything, except landing on the ground with her underneath me. Well, that and slamming her head so hard into the cement that I pretty sure I caused brain damage. I hoped. Okay, I _prayed_ for brain damage, or that it would just kill her.

We bit and scratched, pulled hair and hit, for a good twenty minutes before Fiyero was able to pull me off of her.

"Let go of me! You fucking whore! I swear, I'll kick your sorry little ass!" I couldn't shut my mouth, even after Fiyero threw me over his shoulder and carried me to the cherry tree by the canal.

"Elphaba! That's enough!" He said, setting me down and shaking me hard. I couldn't calm down. So he did the only thing he could- he kissed me. I accepted it for a while, before hitting him and shoving him away.

"What was that for?"

"Because if I didn't, you'd go back and beat Galinda to a bloody pulp." I sighed.

"She'd deserve it." Fiyero rolled his eyes.

"Forget her. She's a shallow, self-absorbed bitch. Just leave her be. Now come on." He said, taking my hand and pulling me.

"What, do you think you're my boyfriend?" I asked, allowing him to pull me along.

"Would you want me to be?" He asked, as we walked towards the library. I shrugged.

"I don't know. I guess. But I'm not exactly girlfriend material, so maybe we'd better not."

He shrugged in return. "That's okay. I'm not exactly boyfriend material either, so we're a perfect pair." I rolled my eyes and snorted.

"Right. Perfect. The girl who sees ghosts and the prince. Oh we're an absolutely perfect pair." I said, sarcasm in my voice. He laughed, before tugging me along. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see." He told me, once we'd made it to the library. He led me through the room, to a back bookcase in a secluded corner. Then, he pulled down an old, leather-bound volume and handed it to me.

"What is it?" I asked, looking over it.

"It's a book on Vinkun legends." He replied, taking a seat at a nearby table. "Originally, shamkas were thought to be the stuff of myth." I sat next to him and he took the book from me, flipping to a page. "They were thought to be mythical witches. See." He pointed to an etching of a woman dressed in white.

"They look like banshees."

"For centuries, Vinkun people thought they were. They thought that because they talked to the dead, they brought about death. It was said, that if you heard a shamka conversing with the dead, that you would lose a loved one not long after."

"So they were like banshees." He nodded. Then, he closed the book and handed it to me. As we walked to the counter and I checked it out, he squeezed my hand and whispered,

"I suggest reading up a bit on your kind. It'll help you understand exactly what you are, _S__hamka_."

I turned, watching him walk through the library doors, the book still in my hands, my finger marking the chapter on shamkas.


	9. Chapter 9

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**Thanks to lizziemagic for reviewing 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8.**

I spent that night and the next reading up on Vinkun mythology. It was scary how they classified shamkas, how they classified me. In ancient times, shamkas were seen as witches, shunned by society, and often times killed for their ability to talk to the dead. Nine times out of ten, shamkas were women; often unmarried or widowed. At one point, a witchhunt broke out, causing mass hysteria, and the mass murder of several shamkas. Those that did survive, later took their own lives.

By Monday morning, when classes started, I knew everything about ancient shamkas that I wanted to know, and when I found Fiyero in the cafeteria, I gave him back the book.

"It's disgusting."

He looked up at me, waiting.

"What is?"

"How they treated..." I bit my lip as I took the seat across from him at the table. "my... kind. Absolutely disgusting." He chuckled softly, and set his cup of coffee down.

"No kidding." I sighed, and got up, grabbing a cup of coffee and a bagle, paid, and joined him. "In ancient times, you'd be lucky to survive. You'll be lucky to survive nowadays." He whispered. I nodded, and took a bite of my bagel. We ate in silence, before he finished and got up. Once I was done, I quickly followed, catching up with him in the green.

"Hey! Hey, Yero! What's your first class?" He didn't answer. "When's your first class?"

"What's it to you?" He called over his shoulder. Finally, I caught up to him, stopping him. He waited, before continuing on.

"I just figured..."

"Just figured what? That we were boyfriend-girlfriend?"

"Well, yeah. You said we were on Saturday." He stopped walking and turned to look at me.

"Well we aren't." I started.

"Well, then what are we?" I called, hurrying to catch up with him. "Friends?"

"No."

"Acquaintances?" He stopped and looked at me.

"No."

"Wh- that's not fair!"

"Life isn't fair."

"So what? I'm just a lay for you? A good fuck? Use me once and then toss me out with the trash the next morning! You sick son of a bitch!"

"Look!" He whirled on me, and I stepped back. "We shouldn't have done that! It was wrong, and _I'm sorry_. But _just because _we screwed around, doesn't mean there's something going on between us! There is _NOTHING going on between us! All right_?"

Then, I watched him turn and head into the classroom. After a moment, I regained my senses, and headed to my own class. It was a blur; I kept going over the arguement Fiyero and I had had. Over the next three classes, I found myself falling asleep, but always waking myself up before I nodded off completely. History wasn't so lucky.

Halfway through class, I guess I dropped off completely, because when I woke up, there was someone sitting on the professor's desk.

"About time. I've been looking for you."

"What do you want?" I asked, checking quickly, to see if anyone was watching me.

"Is that any way to talk to your mother?" She asked, hopping off the desk and coming towards me.

"What are you doing here?"

"Shell told me what you said." I sighed.

"I didn't mean-"

"You hurt him, Elphaba."

"I didn't-"

"You really hurt his feelings."

"All right, I'm sorry! I just feel like you're treating me like a child! Keeping tabs on me all the time. I'm not a baby, Mama. I'm eighteen! I'm a grown woman!"

"I know you're a woman. Shell told me all about your little tryst with that boy-"

"What? _God, can't I do anything without being spied on?_" I cried, climbing to my feet.

"Miss Thropp!" My eyes snapped open, and I found the whole class watching me. Slowly, I turned to the professor. "Do you want to share?" I looked around, locking eyes with Fiyero. Quickly, I shook my head. "Are you sure?" I shook my head.

_Please._

After a moment, he got up.

"Sorry Professor, Elphaba's not feeling well. She hit her head yesterday and suffered a concussion. Would it be all right if I took her to the infirmary?" He nodded, and gathered our books, before grabbing my arm and leading me out of the class. Once we were out in the hall, he set our things down and turned to face me. "What happened in there?" I sighed, and tangled my fingers in my hair.

"_What do you think, Yero_?" I cried, sitting on the ground. Slowly, he knelt down next to me.

"You were talking to them, weren't you?" I looked up at him.

"My mother."

"What?"

"I was talking to my mother." I told him, sniffling. He sighed, and then stood.

"Come on." I didn't move, and he helped me to my feet, before grabbing my hands and pulling me to my feet. Then, he led me out of campus. We walked for several moments, before stopping at the cafe. He pushed the door to the Tangled Heart open, and he led me inside. There were a few patrons, and Fiyero led me between the tables, to the sofa in the back corner. He plunked me down onto it, and then disappeared behind the counter. I looked around quickly, before settling back in the softness of the sofa and closing my eyes. "Here you go." My eyes snapped open and I saw Fiyero set a cup of tea down on the table in front of me. "Raspberry, right?" I nodded.

"Thank you." He nodded.

"Welcome." As I picked up the cup, he leaned over and kissed my cheek, catching me off guard.


	10. Chapter 10

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

I spent that afternoon at the cafe with Fiyero, curled up on the sofa in the corner, while he worked. Every so often, he'd come back to check on me, or get me another cup of tea. At first, I guess I caused a bit of a concern for the owner, but when Fiyero explained the situation, he let me stay. Soon, the cafe cleared out, and he joined me on the sofa.

"Hey."

I jerked awake.

"Hi."

"You okay?" I nodded, yawning.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just... just taking a quick nap. Or trying too." He chuckled.

"How about I get you something to eat?"

"I'd like that." I whispered, propping my elbow on the back of the sofa and resting my head against my knuckles.

"Be right back." He told me, kissing my cheek before getting up and disappearing. I scooted forward and looked around, the cafe was empty; we were the only ones in the Tangled Heart. The quiet was a little unnerving, and I jumped, turning to see Fiyero sit next to me, two sandwiches on the table in front of us. "There you go. I had to guess, I hope I'm not wrong."

"Thank you." I whispered, accepting the plate.

"Welcome. I bet you're hungry."

"Starving." I replied, taking a bite. The spice of jalepano assaulted my senses, and I chewed, but stopped, when I noticed Fiyero watching me.

"Well?"

I swallowed and thought a moment.

"Jalepano cheddar cheese and turkey? Never tried it before."

"Is it okay?" I nodded, taking another bite.

"It's good." We ate in silence, and once we were done, he took the plates to the kitchen. Not wanting to stay in the cafe alone, I followed, slipping into the kitchen and sitting at the table. I watched him wash the dishes, before finally speaking up. "Yero, thank you."

"For what?" He asked, turning to me once the dishes were done.

"For... everything. It can't be easy, seeing this. It must be your sister all over again." He sighed, poured two cups of coffee, and sat down across from me, pushing one cup towards me. "Thanks."

"It's not. When Cassiyta died, I thought that was the last I'd see of shamkas. I watched my sister fade away because of them. I stopped loving because of her death. I kept away from most girls because I was afraid that if I got close, they'd die like my sister. I was able to keep away... until I met you." I looked down, to see him take my hand. Our fingers laced, and when I met his eyes, he leaned down and captured my lips in a gentle kiss. It was quick, chaste. The second one was longer, and the third, and the fourth, and the fifth. Soon, the kisses deepened, and I leaned back against the sofa, as he kissed me fiercely. Our clothes soon fell to the floor, and we once again brought each other to absolute pleasure.

"We have _got_ to stop doing this." He told me between kisses.

"We can't. We can try, but we can't. It's impossible. We're connected. We connected when you stole my virginity." I replied.

"You mean when you stole mine." He responded, nibbling on my neck.

"We stole each others." I said, gasping as we became one. Soon, we collapsed in each others' arms, and as I lay in his embrace, I felt myself begin to fall asleep.

"Fabala! Fabala! Fabala, wake up!"

My eyes snapped open, and I sat up, to see Shell and Mama on the other side of the table.

_"What are you two doing here!" _I cried, quickly pulling on a shirt- Fiyero's shirt- and pulling the throw blanket around us. Fiyero was still asleep, and I didn't want to wake him.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Shell asked, looking from Fiyero to me and back, and slowly, he began to put two and two together. "You were sleeping together!"

"No! No that's completely ridiculous!" I cried, standing. It was then that I noticed that Fiyero's shirt only went to mid-thigh on me. Shell's eyes widened and he blanched.

"You're sleeping together." Mama whispered, meeting my eyes. I bit my lip and met her eyes, before nodding. "Oh Fabala. How could you?"

"How could _I_? How could_ you_? You think it's okay for _you_ to sleep around, but when I sleep with a guy, you think it's wrong!" I cried.

"Because it is!"

"No it's not!"

"Elphaba, you're eighteen! You're too young to be sleeping with some guy you don't know!"

"I know Fiyero! And he knows me! And he knows_ exactly _what I am, Mama!" She stopped, meeting my eyes.

"What? What do you mean he 'knows what you are?'" I sighed.

"I'm a shamka." I told her, looking down at Fiyero before looking back to her.

"What's a-"

"It's a spirit talker. Someone who can see and talk to the dead. They're respected in his tribe. In the Vinkus." Shell lit up.

"He's from the Vinkus?" I nodded.

"How does he know about these... sharkmas."

"Shamkas, Mama. And he knows about them because his older sister was one. And she died. She committed suicide. They pull. Spirits force shamkas to chose between the living and the dead, and most of them chose death. And there's nothing they can do to stop it. I'm either going to have to die or kill someone in order to live, because I can't stop this. Thanks a lot, Mama. Thank you so much... for giving me this."

"Elphaba! Elphaba, wake up!" My eyes snapped open, and I turned, to see Fiyero sitting up on the sofa, the blanket around him. It was then that I realized I was standing in the middle of the floor, in his shirt. Quickly, I sat down next to him, and pulled the blanket around me. "Elphaba, what happened?"

"I talked to them. To Mama and Shell. I told them everything, Yero. I told them all about the shamkas, and the choices and deaths..." I couldn't stop crying. Covering my mouth with my hand, I looked at him, before grabbing his wrist. "I have to die. I either have to die or commit murder in order to live... oh God, Yero..."

I broke down, and burrowed into his arms, sobbing. The only thing that registered in my mind, was the feel of his hand in my hair and his voice in my ear.

"It's okay, Elphaba. It'll be okay."


	11. Chapter 11

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**Thanks to Hedwigg466 for reviewing 10.**

"What did she say, Elphaba?" I accepted the tea and sniffled as he sat next to me after dashing to the kitchen.

"She..." I stared down into the tea before meeting his eyes. "She said that... that I had no right to upset my brother." He chuckled softly.

"Anything else?" He asked, running a finger down my arm. I scoffed silently.

"Well, she knows an awful lot about my sex life... or, our sex life, rather." He paled, as I sipped my tea.

"She does?" I nodded.

"Yeah. And she's not happy about it."

"What... what did she say... exactly?"

"She asked me how I could do something like that, and when I asked her the same and said that if it was okay for her to sleep around, why couldn't it be okay for me? She just about lost her temper. Told me I was too young to be sleeping with a guy I don't know." I whispered, sipping my tea. "I told her in not so many words that I was an adult, and could do what I wanted. She wasn't happy."

"No, she probably wasn't."

"I told her about the shamkas."

He nodded, and picked up his cup, before taking a sip.

"How did she react?"

"She listened, but I don't think she believed it."

He sighed.

"The spirits don't believe in shamkas. As far as they're concerned, shamkas are there for their use and their use only; they don't care about any sort of life shamkas have outside of the spirit's needs. They don't even know the meaning of the word; all they know, is that there are people out there who can see, hear, and respond to them. And they latch on like leeches."

"Do they know they're in the mortal world?" I asked, leaning back against his chest. He shook his head.

"No. The mortal world is... nothing but white to them. Just like the spirit world is dark to you. You see only them, and they see only you."

"They saw you." I whispered, meeting his eyes.

"They only see what they want to see. Anything that could be of any importance to the shamka, the spirits will see."

"Well if they saw you, you must be important to me." I reasoned, resting my head on his chest. He chuckled.

"And here I was hoping I'd be more than just a lay for you." I rolled my eyes, and began playing with his hands. "I'm scared." He pulled away to meet my eyes. "I'm really, really scared."

"Don't worry, you're not alone." He whispered, holding me close.

When we finally returned to Shiz, I headed towards Crage, when he pulled me back to him, and wrapped his arm around my waist.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"To my dorm."

He smirked.

"How about we get something to eat instead?"

"We just ate."

"Elphaba, you had lunch, which for you, constitutes as breakfast. You need something in your stomach."

"No I don't." I protested, however my stomach betrayed me, and I blushed.

"Yes you do, now come on." And he pulled away, but I pulled him back to me.

"Where do you think you're going?" He laughed.

"Let's go get something to eat."

"In a minute." I whispered, searching his face. Then, I rose on tiptoe and captured his lips in mine. We spent the next several moments kissing, when a voice interrupted us.

"Well if it isn't the savage prince macking with the freak charity case!" We broke apart, and turned to see Galinda and her friends walking to the cafeteria. My blood boiled.

"He's a prince?" The brunette asked. Galinda nodded. "If he's a prince, he's a pretty sorry prince! What is he, prince of the mud people?" She cried, as they disappeared into the building. I turned back to him.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, pulling away. "You shouldn't have to go through that. You shouldn't be seen with me." He pulled me back to him.

"I don't care about them. I don't care about who they think I should and shouldn't be seen with. I care about you." He whispered, thumbing my bottom lip and kissing me. I giggled softly against his kiss, and wrapped my arms around his neck. "You and only you."

"You are aware that we only ended up together because of a fuck, right?" He nodded, his forehead pressed to mine.

"Very. But that doesn't matter. What matters is that we have each other." He said, squeezing my waist.

"So we are together?"

"Of course we are. I won't let you go through this alone, _Shamka_. I'll be right there with you, every step of the way. I promise."

"Is this a marriage?" I asked, laughing. He chuckled.

"I guess in a way it is." He replied.

"I guess it is." I agreed, kissing him before pulling away and taking his hand. "Come on, let's go get something to eat." We entered the cafeteria, and hurried to the line, ignoring the stares the other students gave us. "I don't think I like this school." I whispered, as we paid and took a seat at a table in the back.

"Just ignore them. They don't matter." He told me, and I nodded.

"You're right, they don't." We settled down and eventually got to talking, when that bitch Galinda showed up.

"Well if it isn't the freaks."

I rolled my eyes.

"Fuck off, Glinda."

"It's _Ga_linda."

"I don't care." She refused to leave. "Um, aren't you supposed to go now?" I asked, and she sneered at me. Finally, my patience worn thin, I grabbed my glass, and tossed it at her. Soda splashed all over her precious top, and she screamed.

_"You bitch!" _She cried, wiping the soda from her face. "_This is a Mercel original! Does that mean anything to you?" _I eyed her.

"No."

Screaming, she turned and fled, her posse following. Once she was gone, I turned back to Fiyero.

"Problem solved." He chuckled, and I noticed several students applauding. "Well, I guess I wasn't the only one sick of the Queen Bitch."


	12. Chapter 12

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**A/N: Sorry, this one is shorter than the other chapters. **

**Thanks to Hedwig466 for reviewing 11.**

I spent that night trying hard not to fall asleep. Reading, writing, working on homework. Anything to keep my mind open and alert, and sleep away. Nothing worked. Every time I found myself about to doze, I'd snap awake and pace the length of my side of the dorm or clean up my side of the dorm in an attempt to stay awake. Soon, however, I found myself nodding off, and, in an attempt to keep from sleeping, I left the dorm and wandered through campus.

It was quiet, peaceful. I considered going to Yero's dorm, but there was a good chance that he was asleep, and I didn't want to wake him if he was, although I was pretty sure he could help me stay awake with a certain late night activity. Instead, I made my way to the cherry tree by the canal, I curled up underneath it and watched the moon shine off the surface of the water. It sparked and shone, dancing within the ripples of the water. The wind caressed my face, and sometime at that point, I fell asleep.

"Fabala. _El_phaba. _El_phaba. Elphaba, wake up!" I jerked awake at the sing-song voice in my ear, and sat up, to find myself looking into my brother's beautiful blue eyes.

"Shell? Wh... what are you doing here? Where are we?" I asked, still-half asleep, as I pushed myself to a sitting position. He was sitting with his legs crossed underneath him in front of me, his hands pulling at grass, his blue eyes watching me, and then searching for someone.

"Where's that boy you were with the other night?" He asked, after his search turned up nothing.

"Fiyero?" I asked, and he nodded. "He's in his dorm, asleep." I told him.

"Mama sent me. She's not happy with you, Fabala. She's really, really not happy with you." He said, sitting back on his heels. I brushed my hair off my forehead and climbed to my feet. I wrapped my arms around myself.

"Is she angry or just not happy with me?" I asked, tossing my head. Shell licked his lips.

"She's angry. Really angry."

"Why?" I asked, looking around. Nothing looked any different. "Is it because of Yero? Because if it is, I'm not giving him up. I..." I stopped myself from saying it, but Shell picked up on what I was about to say.

"You love him, don't you Fabala?"

"What? No! _God, no_! No, I don't. That's ridiculous. _Absolutely, completely _ridiculous. I don't love him. We're just friends, just... sleeping buddies." I said, wrinkling my nose and shaking my head; although I could tell that he didn't believe me, not even about the sleeping buddies. After a moment, he got up and reached for my hand. "What?"

"Come on." I glanced at his hand, before meeting his eyes. Something wasn't right; it didn't feel right.

"Why?"

"Because. Mama wants to see you. She wants to talk." He said. After a moment, I took his hand, biting my lip to keep from cringing at the chill that ran through my body. Then, he led me away from the tree and through campus, before going to the gate, Fiyero's words ringing in my head.

_"The mortal world is nothing but white to them. Just like the spirit world is dark to you. They only see what they want to see. Anything that could be of any importance to the shamka, the spirits will see."_

We hurried through the green, before leaving campus and going through town.

"Shell, where are we going?" I cried, as he tugged me along.

"Mama wants to see you!"

"I know that! But why?"

"Because. She wants to talk to you." He wouldn't tell me any more, instead, he just kept pulling me along.

"But-"

"Come on!"

We hurried through the street, passing shops closing up and people going out to dinner. I had to run to keep up with him, as he tugged me along.

"Shell! Slow down! I can't keep up!" He didn't listen, just kept pulling me down the middle of the street, dodging the occasional car that came down the road. We hurried down the road, and I glanced over my shoulder, seeing a car come towards us, but at that moment, he stopped, and turned to me. "Shell, move! We have to get out of the way! Shell!" I cried, trying to get him to move, but he wouldn't budge. I turned back to see the car getting closer.

Slowly, he turned to look at me.

"Mama's angry with you, Fabala, she wants to talk to you."

The blare of a horn car awoke me, and I turned. I found myself in the middle of the street in the middle of downtown Shiz. A couple shops were open, and for a moment, I thought I saw the lights of the Tangled Heart flicker on, but I couldn't be sure. I couldn't take my eyes off the oncoming car, yet I was powerless to do anything but stand there. My eyes widened, to see a car coming towards me, but I couldn't move. My legs refused to work.

The last thing I remember, was the blare of the horn and the feel of the car before everything went black.


	13. Chapter 13

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**A/N: I _seriously_ considered taking a break from this and letting you all suffer through whether Elphaba lives or dies, but I decided to play nice and not leave you in suspense. Well, absolute, complete suspense. Although, I'm going to be on a club field trip tomorrow, and will be gone from 11:15 to 8:00, so I won't be able to update until I get back, so you'll have to content yourselves with what I've already posted. And I can't wait to hear your thoughts on this chapter. Also, sorry the chapter is so short.**

**Thanks to Hedwigg466 for reviewing 12.**

"Will- will she be okay? I won't lose her, will I?"

"It's hard to tell right now."

"But, she _will_ pull through, won't she? _Won't she_?"

"It's hard to say."

"What do you mean 'it's hard to say?'"

"If she pulls through the night, she'll be okay."

"But what if-"

"We'll take it one moment at a time, Mr. Tiggular."

Soon, the two voices began to get farther away, and other voices were taking their places. One frantic, the other calm.

"Fabala. _Fabala, wake up_!"

"Honey, you can let go. It's okay."

Someone stood over me, someone I recognized. I tried to sit up, but it hurt to move my head, and when I lay back again, I saw that the person was kneeling next to me, not standing. Long, mahogany hair tumbled down her shouders, and her icy blue eyes held only concern for me.

"It's okay, baby."

"Mama?" My voice was hoarse; raw. Every bone in my body hurt, every muscle snapped with the slightest movement, so I stayed still. It hurt to swallow, hurt to breathe, hurt to blink.

"It's okay, baby girl." She whispered, cradling my head. "It's okay. Let go, you can let go."

"Let go? Mama, I-" She 'shhed' me, gently laying a finger over my lips.

"You don't have to fight it anymore, baby."

"Fight what?" I choked out.

"Living." I felt my eyes widen.

"W... what?"

"You don't have to live anymore, sweetheart. It'll be okay. Just let go. You can let go." I tried to shake my head, but it hurt too much.

"I can't-"

"Yes you can."

"Y... Yero-"

"Don't worry about him, honey. He doesn't matter. He's not important."

"Yes he is." She shook her head.

"No he's not. He doesn't love you. You have to let it go, sweetie. It'll be easier this way." I closed my eyes, and relaxed, feeling someone take my hand.

"Fabala please. I miss you." When I opened my eyes, I saw tears in Shell's. He brought my hand to his cheek, and sniffled. "Please. I want my sister back." I tried to lift my head, and cried out from the pain.

"It's okay, baby. It'll be okay. Everything will be all right once you let go."

Suddenly, Fiyero's words rang loud and clear in my head.

_"They pull you. They try to get you to cross into their world."_

_"_Mama, where am I?" She exchanged a glance with Shell, before turning her attention back to me. Licking her lips, she whispered,

"That doesn't matter now, baby. The only thing that matters is that you're here, with us, safe. You need to rest, you can't put too much stress on your body."

"But Mama-"

"Hush, Fabala." She whispered, laying a finger over my lips. "Don't wear yourself out. You'll have plenty of time to rest later."

"I don't understand-"

_"They try to get you to cross into their world."_

Gently, she brushed my hair off my face and kissed my forehead. I swallowed, and tasted copper.

"Mama, it hurts."

"I know it does, baby girl. I know it does." She smoothed my hair, and hummed softly. "Don't worry, baby. It only hurts for a while, and then you won't feel a thing. You'll feel much better when you just let go. I promise."

I looked to Shell, who refused to meet my eyes.

"Shell, I don't understand."

"Fabala-"

"Please Shell." After a moment, he shook his head.

"No. I can't." He replied, tears in his eyes. Then, he turned to Mama. "Mama, I'm scared. I want my sister." She reached over and cupped his chin.

"You'll have Fabala when it's over, my love. I promise, Shell." He sniffled, and lay next to me, wrapping an arm gently around my waist.

"I love you, Fabala." Slowly, I turned to look at him.

"I love you, Shell." My eyes closed instinctively as he reached up to wipe away tears I hadn't known I'd been shedding. He lay his head gently on my shoulder, and played with a wayward curl.

"Please, Fabala. Please. I want my sister back." He looked so alone, so scared.

"I don't- don't know what to do, Shell." I whispered, as he squeezed my hand. The steady rhythm of Mama's fingers in my hair began to calm and lull me to sleep.

"You know what to do, sweetheart." She whispered, kissing my hair.

"I just- I just want- I just want to sleep. I just want sleep. I haven't had a good night's sleep- in weeks..."

"Then sleep, baby girl. It's okay to sleep. You need it."

"But-"

"Just let go, baby. Let go."


	14. Chapter 14

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**A/N: Fun Fact: **The Wizard of Oz rolls off the tongue a lot easier than his full name, **Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkel Emmannuel Ambroise Diggs**. From Frank Baum's _Dorothy And the Wizard in Oz_: "It was a dreadfully long name to weigh down a poor innocent child, and one of the hardest lessons I ever learned was to remember my own name. When I grew up I just called myself O.Z., because the other initials were P-I-N-H-E-A-D; and that spelled 'pinhead,' which was a reflection on my intelligence." **Say that name ten times fast.**

**A/N: Anyone understand what Melena's trying to do?**

**A/N: The song Melena sings is called _Rebecca;_ it was one of the songs Molly sang in _So Weird_. Can anyone guess why she (Melena) sings it? I'll give you all a hint: it has to do with Elphaba.**

**Question: Where is Fiyero during that? **

**Answer: I'm not saying**

**Thanks to Hedwig466 and gagakid for reviewing 13.**

_"They try to get you to cross into their world."_

"Let go, baby girl. It's okay. It's okay." She kept smoothing my hair, humming softly, holding my head in her lap. "Let go." Fiyero's words kept ringing in my head, and I tried hard to understand what they meant, but they made no sense.

"Sleep... I just... I just want... sleep."

"Then sleep, baby. Sleep. It's okay. We'll be here, Shell and I. We won't leave you. We'll be here when you wake up." She was so reassuring, so loving, so like Mama. Of course I was being silly. She _was_ Mama. She was my Mama, she'd taken care of me, loved me for twelve years, and now... now she was watching over me like a sick child. Because I was sick. I don't remember what happened, but it didn't matter; Mama was here with me, holding me, protecting me, like she had when I was little.

Slowly, I reached up and grasped her wrist.

"Mama?"

"What is it, baby girl?"

"I love you." She smiled softly, sadly, and for once, I saw tears in her eyes.

"I love you too, baby girl." She whispered, kissing my forehead. Without warning, I started to cough, and felt something warm on my skin.

"Mama-"

"Shh. Hush baby girl. It's okay. It's okay." A flash of red on her fingers caught my gaze, and I tried to raise my head to get a closer look, but instead cried out in pain.

"Mama!"

"Hush baby."

"It... hurts."

"Shh. I know. I know it does, but you have to relax. You have to let go." I bit my lip to keep from crying out, and dug my nails into her hand, as the pain got worse. "Let go, baby girl."

"I... can't!"

"Yes you can. You can Fabala. I know you can. Let go. You have to let go, sweetie."

"Mama..." My eyes locked on hers, and I noticed the tears in hers reflected in mine. "Mama, it hurts!"

"I know, baby."

_"Make it stop, please! Mommy please!"_

"Shh. Shh, Fabala, my love. Shh. It's okay. It's okay. I've got you. I'm here. Mama's here." She cradled me close, rocking gently back and forth, running her fingers through my hair. She began to hum, a tune I recognized, a tune she'd sing to me over and over when I was a child.

_"Rebecca moves across the world_  
_She's a scirocco on the sand_  
_She is the Nile that flows forever_  
_Cutting a wound across the land_  
_She'll be your friend before you know her_  
_She'll have your trust before it's earned_  
_But like any nomad she will wander_  
_Breaking the hearts of all concerned"_

It was my lullaby. Written for me. Or so Mama always said.

She stopped, and I whimpered softly, squeezing her hand.

"Mommy? Please?"

She nodded.

"Okay baby."

I noticed Shell curl up on her other side, and she pulled him close, kissing his hair.

_"History clouds what we remember_  
_The one that you wanted her to be_  
_Mystery shrouds her like an island_  
_But it's an island in a lonely sea_  
_Oh, Rebecca_  
_Oh, Rebecca_

_I was thirteen going on forty_  
_Wasting my summer on the beach_  
_Burned on the outside, raw in the middle_  
_That Molly's just too hard to reach_  
_But Rebecca moved in, yeah she moved me_  
_She was the best friend I'd ever had_  
_And then one day she went away_  
_Didn't think I'd ever feel that bad"_

"Mommy?" She turned to Shell.

"What is it, baby boy?" He bit his lip.

"Who's Molly?"

She seemed to think a moment, before looking at both of us.

"Molly... was me."

"I don't understand." Shell whispered. She locked eyes with me, and whispered,

"I'm Molly."

_"Where did you go?_  
_Why did you lie?_  
_Why did you leave without saying goodbye?_  
_How about the promise_  
_That you made me?_  
_Was it really so easy to trade me_  
_For another town_  
_Another friend_  
_Another beginning without any end"_

I felt like a child again, curled up in her arms, as she rocked me to sleep, her heart in one ear, and her voice in another.

_"So many times I would've called you_  
_If I'd had your number in my hand_  
_You were the one I would've turned to_  
_When things didn't go the way I'd planned_  
_I never got a chance to tell you_  
_Things didn't go the way I'd planned..."_

_"Mommy..."_

"Hush baby girl. I'm right here. Mama's right here. I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

"It hurts."

"I know it does, baby. I know it does."

_"Mommy..."_

"Just let go, baby. Just let go. _Let go_." I bit my lip to keep from crying out, but it didn't work.

"Mommy!"

_"History clouds what I remember_  
_The one I wanted her to be_  
_Mystery shrouds her like an island_  
_Does she still remember me?_  
_My life is like a turnstile_  
_So many strangers passing through_  
_There've been more than I can number_  
_But I still remember you_

_Oh, Rebecca  
Oh, Rebecca"_

"Mommy?" She met my eyes, and waited. "Who's Rebecca?"

She bit her lip, before replying.

"Rebecca was my sister."


	15. Chapter 15

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**Question: Melena's trying to get Elphie to die, right?**

**Answer: Exactly. **

**Question: What is he (Shell), 10?**

**Answer: yeah, he's ten**

**Thanks to lizziemagic for reviewing 9, 10, 11, 12, and 13 and to Hedwigg466 for reviewing 14.**

_"Mama..."_

"Hush, baby girl. Hush."

_"Mommy, it hurts."_

"Shh. It's okay. Mama's here. Mama's here. " I let her hold me close, and slowly, I reached up, taking her hand. "Do you want me to sing again?" I nodded, and soon the soft singing began to relax me.

_"Rebecca moves across the world_  
_She's a scirocco on the sand_  
_She is the Nile that flows forever_  
_Cutting a wound across the land_  
_She'll be your friend before you know her_  
_She'll have your trust before it's earned_  
_But like any nomad she will wander_  
_Breaking the hearts of all concerned_

_History clouds what we remember  
__The one that you wanted her to be_  
_Mystery shrouds her like an island_  
_But it's an island in a lonely sea_  
_Oh, Rebecca_  
_Oh, Rebecca_

_I was thirteen going on forty_  
_Wasting my summer on the beach_  
_Burned on the outside, raw in the middle_  
_That Molly's just too hard to reach_  
_But Rebecca moved in, yeah she moved me_  
_She was the best friend I'd ever had_  
_And then one day she went away_  
_Didn't think I'd ever feel that bad_

_Where did you go?_  
_Why did you lie?_  
_Why did you leave without saying goodbye?_  
_How about the promise_  
_That you made me?_  
_Was it really so easy to trade me_  
_For another town_  
_Another friend_  
_Another beginning without any end..."_

She squeezed my hand gently, kissing the top of my head. Her fingers began to run through my hair, and I snuggled into her, feeling like a child again. No matter how hard I fought, my eyes began to close, Mama's voice ringing soft and smooth in my head...

Light assaulted my eyes as I tried to open then, and the first thing I noticed, was the smell of a hospital; antiseptic and something else- death. The second thing I registered, was someone sitting in the chair next to me. Biting my lip to keep from crying out, I turned to see someone I never thought I'd see- Fiyero. He was asleep, his head on his chest. The taste of blood forced my teeth to remove themselves from my lip, and I cried out, causing Fiyero to jerk awake.

"Elphaba? Thank god, you're awake." He said, hurrying to my side. He brushed his fingers over my forehead, and whispered, "I'm gonna go get the doctor, all right? I'll be right back." Before I could even blink, he was gone, and back in a matter of minutes, a doctor and nurse in tow.

"You scared us, Miss Thropp." The doctor told me, but I didn't say anything, or even pay attention- I had returned my attention to Fiyero, who stood on my other side, holding my hand. They looked me over, checked my vitals, and finally, went to leave."She'll be okay, we want to keep her overnight, but after that, she can return to school."

"Thank you." Fiyero whispered. Once the doctor and nurse left the room, he came to my side and sat down next to me. "You scared me."

"What... what happened?" My voice was raw, rough. He met my eyes.

"You don't remember?" I shook my head. "You... you were hit by a car. In downtown Shiz. In front of the Tangled Heart."

"Sh...Sh..."

"What is it?" He asked, leaning close to hear.

"Sh... ell."

"Shell?" I nodded. "What about Shell?" I swallowed, taking a deep breath.

"S... said... Mama... mad..."

"Said you're mother was mad?" I nodded. "At you?" I nodded again. He sighed, and perched on the edge of my bed. "Did he take you downtown?"

"I... I don't..."

"Elphaba, he tried to pull you."

"Mama... Mama kept telling me to... to... let... go..."

His eyes closed and he swallowed, taking a deep breath.

"She wanted you to die." I coughed, and Fiyero quickly helped me sit up. Once my coughing fit had subsided, he held a glass to my lips and let me drink.

"Thank... thank you." I whispered, turning to look at him.

"Welcome." Then, he reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, and I winced, hissing in pain. "I'm sorry."

"What... happened?"

"It... it hit you and you hit the windshield, before rolling down the hood. At first, paramedics thought you'd snapped your neck, but you didn't. Thank god. It gave you a concussion, and broke your ankle and shattered your kneecap. And it gave you a few bumps and bruises, and sent you into a coma... which you just pulled out of."

"How long was I-?"

"Four days."

"Four?" He nodded. "What did you-"

"I stayed right here. I wasn't going to leave you." Then, he tilted my chin up and met my eyes. "Elphaba, I-"

"What is it, Yero?"

He captured my lips in a gentle kiss, and whispered, "Thank god you're okay, Shamka."


	16. Chapter 16

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**Thanks to Hedwig466, lizziemagic and mselphabthropp109 for reviewing 15.**

"They pull. They take you out and try to get you to... to commit suicide... or get you into an accident. I saw my sister get pulled more than once, and it scared me. I was afraid to say goodnight to her, for fear she wouldn't wake up the next morning. I used to... sleep outside her door... so if she was pulled, she'd trip over me and come back to the living. I tried... that night..."

I listened, as Fiyero told me about his sister, as he explained what I'd just gone through. How "letting go" was to leave your mortal body behind and join the spirit world. How "pulling" was to get you to cross into their world. As he talked, he held my hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand; the motion seemed to calm him.

"She didn't wake up. I tried... shaking her, calling to her... but... she didn't open her eyes. I never forgave myself." Swallowing, I reached up and ran my fingers gently over his cheek.

"I'm sorry." Bringing my palm to his lips, he kissed it, and nodded.

"So am I."

"There was nothing you could do, Yero." He sighed, and got up, going to the window.

"I know that! You think I don't? I watched my sister waste away because of the dead! I watched her stop eating! More than once, I found her- submerged in the tub or passed out from pills, hanging from a rope in the attic or with her wrists oozing blood in the bathroom! She was constantly- _constantly_- trying to commit suicide so she could be on the _other side_. They ran her around in circles trying to get her to finish the job, and the few hours she was sane, she didn't make _any_ sense- and believe me, those few _normal _hours were _few and far between_! I found Cassi in the bathtub once... she'd slit her wrists again... there was so much blood that the water turned red... everyone thought we were going to lose her for good this time. When they pulled her out, she dropped the razor on the bathroom floor."

He returned to the chair across from me, and sat down, as tears slid down his cheeks. "She was completely nude, and there were... cuts... on her stomach and breasts... and in between her thighs... like she'd tried cutting there..." Gasping for breath, he buried his face in his hands. "My parents made arrangements for her funeral... everyone was certain that she'd die this time... except me. I begged her to come back... I told her that I loved her, and that just because everyone else didn't, it didn't mean that I didn't love her... and when she died... I thought..." He met my eyes and took a deep breath. "I thought she'd died because she thought I didn't love her... but I loved her... I still love her..."

He broke down, and slowly, I climbed out of bed and went to him, wrapping my arms around him and holding him close. He buried his face in my chest, and held tight to me, sobbing. "_I love her... I love her... she's my sister... my sister..." _I didn't say anything, just held him close, running my fingers through his hair in an attempt to comfort him. Then, I removed him from my arms, went back to the bed, and beckoned him to join me.

He protested, but when I pulled him close, he joined me, allowing me to wrap my arms around him and hold him. As I rubbed his back, I began to hum, recognizing the tune Mama had sung to me as a baby, and slowly, I started to sing it to him.

_"Rebecca moves across the world_  
_She's a scirocco on the sand_  
_She is the Nile that flows forever_  
_Cutting a wound across the land_  
_She'll be your friend before you know her_  
_She'll have your trust before it's earned_  
_But like any nomad she will wander_  
_Breaking the hearts of all concerned_

_History clouds what we remember  
__The one that you wanted her to be_  
_Mystery shrouds her like an island_  
_But it's an island in a lonely sea_  
_Oh, Rebecca_  
_Oh, Rebecca"_

I don't have much of a voice, but my singing seemed to calm him. He stayed close, as I rubbed his back, running my fingers through his hair. He'd gone through so much... watched his sister fade away, and now, was watching me do the exact same thing... how he was able to survive it, I would never be able to understand. And right then, I didn't want to. All I wanted, was to hold him, and make him realize that I wasn't going anywhere. I was going to stay with him, right there, in the hospital room.

"It's okay, Yero. I'm here. I'm right here. I won't leave you. I promise." His only response were soft sobs.

I didn't blame him. I couldn't. He had every right to act this way; he'd watched his sister die- _attempt_ to die- multiple times. He'd discovered her, after all. That would have scared any kid.

To watch your sister waste away in front of you, to see her suffer at the will of the spirits... it's amazing he managed to escape with his sanity intact. I wouldn't have, were I him.

"It's okay, Yero. I'm here. I'm right here. I won't leave you. I promise."


	17. Chapter 17

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**Thanks to Hedwig66 and lizziemagic for reviewing 16.**

I awoke the next morning, to find Fiyero curled up next to me. It took a few moments, before I finally remembered the night before. I spent the time before he woke up, just watching him, running my fingers through his hair and watching his chest rise and fall. After what he'd told me the night before, the fact that he was living a fairly normal life, was astounding.

"Cassi..."

Silent, I wrapped my arms around him and held him close, rubbing his back as we lay together. Eventually, he woke up, and sleepily met my eyes.

"Hi."

"... Morning." He whispered, yawning. He stretched, and soon snuggled back down with me. "What the hell?" Slowly, he sat up, and stood, confused.

"You don't remember?" He shook his head. "You..." I bit my lip. "Never mind." It was then that the doctor entered to check on me.

"Morning Miss Thropp."

"Can I go home now?" It was the first thing out of my mouth, and he chuckled.

"Not yet. I just want to check over you, and then you can go. All right?" I nodded. I didn't care if he had to do a whole spinal tap, I wanted out of there. Fiyero excused himself, saying he'd wait in the hall, and then with a kiss, he slipped out the door. Once he was gone, the doctor spent the next several minutes checking me over; looking down my throat, checking my reflexes, listening to my heart and lungs, before he finally let me go.

I left the hospital on shaky legs, and Fiyero hailed a cab, helped me into it, and then climbed in after me. However, we didn't head back to Shiz.

We went to the Tangled Heart instead.

It was fine with me, I didn't mind staying at the cafe. It was better than going back to my dorm, where Blonde Bitchasaurus was.

"You can't stay."

"But why not?" I leaned against the counter, as Fiyero went behind and made sure everything was set for the day. "Why can't I stay here for the next couple days? I won't cause any problems, I promise." He sighed, and leaned against the counter, meeting my eyes.

"Elphaba, I can't let you stay here. I'm sorry." Then, he set to work making something.

"Well, I'm not staying in my dorm. I won't. I refuse." I told him, childishly crossing my arms and pouting. He laughed, and set a cup in front of me on the counter. Slowly, I reached out and took it. "Thank you." I whispered, taking a sip. He nodded. When he was done, he came out from behind the counter, and took me to the sofa. We settled down and sipped our tea. "So where do I go? I won't stay in that dorm with Bitchasaurus, I'm sorry. I _won't_. I'd kill her." He chuckled as I sipped my tea. "And... I can't stay here, so... where does that leave me?" He thought a moment, and then said,

"You could stay with me." I met his eyes.

"You'd let me?" He shrugged and nodded. I bit my lip. "Do you think Mama would let us?" He raised an eyebrow. "I don't think Mama would like it."

"Well she doesn't have to know." He said, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind. I sighed and met his eyes, rolling my own.

"You know that'll never work. She'll find out- if she doesn't sick Shell on me, she'll find me herself. You know she will." I whispered, looking at my nails. He pressed his lips against my shoulder and sighed.

"It couldn't hurt." Slowly, I turned to look at him.

"I guess not."

After a while, we left the cafe, and returned to Shiz. Since it was Fiyero's day off, we didn't _have_ to be at the cafe, but it made it nice, being there for a few hours. Once we made it back to the school, I hurried to my dorm and checked to make sure the blonde bitch wasn't around. No sightings, so I quickly grabbed my knapsack and filled it with a few things, before fleeing the room and locking the door behind me, shoving my key into my pocket.

"Ready?" He nodded, pushing himself away from the wall, as I closed the door behind me. Then, we moved through the green, headed towards Briscoe. "You don't mind my staying with you, do you?" He shook his head.

"Not at all."

"Good." As he held the door open for me, I caught the small smile on his face, and smiled back. "Do you have only the best?" I asked, as we moved up the steps to the second floor.

"Just a normal dorm, like you."

"Really?" I asked, leaning against the wall as he unlocked the door. "So, do you have a roommate?" He met my eyes.

"No." I couldn't hide my surprise, as he grabbed my hand and pulled me into the dorm, shutting and locking the door behind us. Absent-mindely, I tossed my bag on the floor near the desk, and looked around. It looked just like my dorm, only with a small kitchen and living room- which was exactly like mine, except it was cleaner- and a bathroom. After I finished wandering around, I returned to the bed, where Fiyero was sitting. "So, does it pass?" I nodded, and sat down on the desk chair. We sat in silence, before I broke it.

"What do we do now?"

"Well, it's far too early for anyone to be up, and besides that, it's Saturday, so what do you want to do?" I thought a moment before climbing out of the chair and going to him. I met his eyes, and whispered softly,

"Thank you." Then, I captured his lips in mine. We spent several moments kissing, before I gently pushed him back on the bed, until I was balanced on my knees over him. All I registered were my lips on his and his hands on my body. Unable to stop myself, I began to undress him, placing kisses on his chest as I went. He helped me shimmy out of my jeans, until I was only in my underwear and bra.

With our clothes on the floor, I hooked my finger in his boxers and removed them, as he unhooked my bra and kissed my breasts.

Before I knew it, we had switched places...


	18. Chapter 18

**Rifiuto: Non M****iriena**

**Thanks to Beautifully Tragic Girl, lizziemagic and Hedwig466 for reviewing 17.**

I don't know how long we lay there, kissing and touching, but pretty soon, I found myself pulling him closer, needing him. Our hips slid together, and as we melted into one, I shut my mind off, closing it to everything and everyone except for that moment. I didn't think about school, or my roommate, or Frex, or Nessa, or Shell, or Mama... I didn't think about anyone except Fiyero.

"Yero!"

When we finally collapsed on the bed, I reached up, tracing his features. He was real, flesh and blood real.

"What? What's that look for?"

I couldn't disguise the smile making its way across my face.

"Nothing. You're just... real."

"Of course I'm real. Why wouldn't I be?"

"I know, I just... I just..." I stopped, unable to say what I was thinking, because the words were jumbled. So I just sighed. He watched me for several minutes, before kissing me gently on the lips. After several minutes, I felt my eyes drift close, and I curled into his arms, the blankets tangled around us.

"Fabala! Fabala!" I moaned, and pulled away. "Fabala!"

_"Elphaba! Elphaba Rebecca! WAKE. UP!"_

The blankets were ripped away, and I sat up, disoriented. Once my vision adjusted, I saw Mama standing next to the bed, hands on her hips, a scowl on her pretty features. Okay, so it wasn't a scowl, it was more like a death glare, which, coming from someone who's dead, makes it even worse. Ten times worse.

_"What?" _

It took a few minutes, before I realized what had happened, and grabbed the blanket, pulling it back to my body.

"I can't believe you, Fabala!"

"What-"

"You're too young! You shouldn't be doing this!"

"_Talking to ghosts? That's kind of normal, Mama!_ I've been talking to ghosts since I was old enough to comprehend what a ghost _was_. I'm a _fucking ventriloquist dummy!_ I've _always talked to ghosts, it's what's normal for me! I don't know anything else! How can I, when all I see, all I hear are you and every other fucking spirit that's fucking passed on!" _

I noticed Shell wince at my language, but I was too riled up to care about how my brother felt. All I wanted, was to make her see how she was hurting me by doing this.

_"I don't mean that!"_ Mama screamed, cutting me off. _"I mean this! You and... and him! You're too young to be sleeping with him, Elphaba! You're just a child!"_

_"No Mama, _Shell _is a child. Not me. I'm eighteen! I can do what I want! You are not around to tell what I can and cannot do!"_

That hurt, I could see it in her eyes, etched on her face. And while it may have wounded her, I didn't care. I didn't care that I'd hurt her; all I cared about was that she understood that I was an adult, and that I was going to make my own decisions. I wasn't going to be treated like a child anymore, because I wasn't one. I wasn't a child, I was an adult. A grown woman. And I wanted to be treated like one.

"You're my daughter, Fabala." She whispered. I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at her. I could see the sadness in her eyes, and while it may have chipped the guilt I was now feeling, I was still too angry to feel any real remorse for what I'd said. I wanted to be treated like an adult, and no one was going to stop me.

"I don't care. I'm_ not a child, Mama_. I'm a grown woman, and I want to be treated like one! I want to do what I want, not what _you _want!_ And if that includes sleeping with Fiyero, then I'm going to sleep with Fiyero!"_ I vaguely noticed Shell wince out the corner of my eye. "_I love him, Mama!"_

"What?" Her response was so soft, I thought I'd missed it.

Several moments of intense silence followed, as my confession hung in the air between us. She just watched me, caught off guard. I refused to meet her eyes for several minutes, before finally looking at her. She had closed her eyes and was taking several deep breaths. I could only imagine what was racing through her head.

"I love him."

She shook her head finally, muttering under her breath and closing her eyes. "No. No, no, no, no... Fabala no... Please no... Fabala,_ how could you_?"

"He understands me. He understands what I am. He accepts it. And he won't turn his back on me; he said so himself. He loves me, Mama. And I love him."

Trails of silver coursed down her cheeks, and she choked out a sob, covering her face with her hands before finally looking at me. "How could you, Fabala? You're a child. You're my little girl-" She started, coming towards me, reaching out to brush her icy fingers over my cheek. I pulled away when she got close enough, glaring at her. "Fabala-"

"_I'm not a little girl anymore, Mama._ I haven't been a little girl since I was _twelve-years-old. _You took that from me. _You took that away from me when you committed suicide_."

"Fabala, please, don't do this-"

I glared at her.

"Leave me alone, Mama. _Both _of you. _Leave me alone_."


	19. Chapter 19

**Rifiuto: Non M****iriena**

**Thanks to lizziemagic, Beautifully Tragic Girl and ASHtheMUSICALgirl13 for reviewing 12.**

"Elphaba! _Elphaba_!"

My eyes snapped open, and I turned, to see Fiyero sitting next to me, the light on. Concern shone in his blue eyes, and I took a deep breath, nodding as I ran a hand through my hair.

"Y... Yeah. I... I'm fine."

"You sure?" He asked, reaching out to rub my back. I nodded.

"Yeah, I'm sure." I whispered, taking a deep breath. He checked me over once, before climbing out of bed and disappearing into the kitchen. I heard him rummage around, before he came back with two cups of steaming hot tea.

"Here."

"What is it?" I asked, catching a whiff of the strong fragrance.

"Teqyberry." I nodded, recognizing the pronounciation as some sort of Vinkun.

"Thanks." He nodded, watching me as I sipped the tea.

"Let me guess," He said after several moments of silence. "your mom showed up." I nodded, and leaned back against the headboard.

"Yeah. She... she wasn't happy."

"About us?" I nodded, sipping my tea.

"She... she said that... that I was her child, and that I shouldn't be doing what I'm doing. So I... I lost my temper and told her that I was an adult and could do what I wanted. And then... I told her to leave me alone."

We sat in silence for several minutes, sipping our tea before he asked,

"How'd she take it?"

"I don't know. You woke me up. But not well, I bet. I told both her and Shell that I didn't want to see them again. I... I don't _care_ that I might have hurt her. I want her gone. I want this... _curse_... gone. I don't want it anymore. I'm sick of it."

"You can't. _It doesn't go away, Elphaba_. You'll always have it. For the rest of your life."

"I know, I just... _I don't want to die_..." I broke down then, letting what had been scaring me for so long finally come to the surface. He took the cup from me and then pulled me into his arms., whispering softly to me.

"I know. I know what that's like. I've watched it. It's... the scariest thing in the world, watching someone you love die. It's the worst feeling in the world, knowing that there's nothing you can do to save them. You go on blaming yourself... for the rest of your life."

I knew he was talking about his sister, about watching her suffer, about not doing anything to stop her. He'd gone through it once, and now here he was, reliving it, with me. After several minutes, I pulled away.

"I... I'd better go..." I forced myself to climb out of bed and get dressed, wanting so badly to stay with the one person who loved me, who cared about my life, who cared about whether I lived or died. After several minutes, he got dressed, and hurried to me, grabbing my arm as I reached the doorway.

"Elphaba... Please... I... I can't lose you..."

I locked eyes with him, seeing the hurt, the pain I'd caused, and against my desire to stay, I gently pulled away. "I... I'm sorry, Yero." And then I hurried from the dorm, not noticing him behind me. My feet carried me through the green, further back through the campus, towards the woods just behind the theater. Several minutes passed before I heard the soft thud of footsteps behind me. "Go away, Yero!" I cried, reaching up to wipe tears off my cheeks.

"Fae!"

Suddenly, he grabbed my arm, forcing me to face him.

_"GO AWAY! PLEASE! I can't be near you! I'm sorry, but I can't! All I'm going to do is cause you pain, and you've been through enough already, you don't need any more! It's better if I leave you alone! That way you won't be hurt..."_ He grabbed me by the shoulders, coming until we were nose to nose; he shook me roughly, never breaking eye contact.

_"I can't. I. CAN'T. I can't let you go! I can't be away from you, I can't forget about you, I can't lose you! You're too important to me. Next to Cassi... you're the only other one that's ever given a damn about me... I lost Cassi... I lost my sister... I can't lose you too. I can't lose you, Fae. I... I love you. I. LOVE. YOU!"_

I shook my head, wanting so badly to believe him, but not wanting to get close. If I got close, he'd only get hurt, and I couldn't have that. I'd lost so many people already, I didn't want to add another casualty to the list.

_"No. I'm not letting you go. I'm not losing you, Fae. I won't. You hear? I won't! I lost my sister, I'm not losing you too! I can't. I can't go through that again. I... I can't watch... someone else I love die. Not again..."_

_"But that's what's going to happen if you stay with me! Either way, you'll lose me! It'd be better if you were never around me. If you... if you just stayed away! PLEASE YERO!"_

He shook his head, tightening his grip on my shoulders.

_"NO. I won't."_ The next thing I knew, he was kissing me, hard and violent and full on the mouth. When he pulled away, he roughly held my face in his hands as he stared into my eyes. _"Listen to me, Elphaba. I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here. The last thing you need is to be alone. You're in more danger by yourself than if you have someone with you. I'm not letting you go. And I'm not leaving. I'm staying right here- RIGHT HERE. Got it? GOT IT?" _I nodded, tears morphing my vision. "Good."

_"Yero..."_

He looked into my eyes briefly, before pulling me close and holding me too him as I clung to him and sobbed.

"I won't let you go through this alone, _Shamka_."


	20. Chapter 20

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**A/N: This scene is... _kind_ of steamy... okay... maybe sultry... maybe sensual... um... m... maybe... exceedingly sexy...**

**A/N: Also, does anyone know what scene I drew from in this chapter? **

**Thanks to lizziemagic for reviewing 19.**

I don't know how long we stood there, or how long I cried, but eventually, we returned to Fiyero's dorm, and once the door was closed, he started the shower. Silently, he helped me out of my clothes before removing his and helping me into the shower. As the steam embraced us, I felt strong hands on my back, and when I looked over my shoulder, I locked eyes with Fiyero. Several seconds passed before I closed mine and leaned back, resting my forehead against his. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close, letting me relax into him.

Slowly, my heart began to return to normal, and I reached up, playing gently with his fingers before taking his fingers in mine. I shook my head gently, feeling my eyelashes leave butterflies on his skin, and he pulled me closer. I could feel the strong muscles of his chest against my back, and slowly, I turned, resting my head on his shoulder and wrapping my arms loosely around his neck. He held me, rubbing my back and brushing my hair away from my face.

"I love you, Fae."

All I could do was nod.

"Love you too, Yero."

Eventually, we washed and he helped me out, wrapping my in a towel before joining me on the bed. Silence reigned as he brushed my wet hair over my shoulder and began working on my back. His hands, strong and smooth, worked gently on my back, kneading the knots out; I hissed in pain a couple times and he took it slower, making sure he worked every knot out. And once they were out, he went back over the spots, gently kneading to make sure my back was tension-free.

It was then that I felt the gentle brush of his lips go over my back. With every knot unkneaded, he'd kiss the area, before moving on. As his hands moved lower, the kisses followed, and I felt chills race up the length of my spine with each press of his lips. They made their way back up, and soon, his lips found the space beneath my ear, pressing a gentle kiss to the skin before he nibbled softly on my ear lobe.

A moan escaped my sore throat, and I leaned back, allowing him to pull me closer, until his arms were tight around me. After several minutes, I turned, catching his lips quickly, before pulling away and looking into his eyes. Our noses touched, and he nudged his nose against mine before kissing me gently. I drank in his taste, deepening the kiss with every brush. I could feel my heart speed up, my pulse quicken, and the throbbing begin with each contact.

Slowly, I turned in his arms, opening my eyes and meeting his; our desire was mirrored, and I reached down, pressing my hand- fingers splayed- across his heart. After glancing at my hand, and seeing the diamonds peeking through, I slowly raised my eyes, meeting his. Moments passed, before I leaned over, and captured his lips in mine. When we broke apart, he reached out and brushed a stray strand of hair away from my face, and I felt my breath come in gasps. The towel seperating us made its way to the floor somehow, and I moved back as he followed, until I was laying back on the bed.

The only thing I registered, was the feel of his lips on my skin, the path his hands were taking as they moved over my body, and the pounding of my heart. His hands worked on my skin, trailing down my stomach, over my hips and gently between my thighs. His fingers gently kneaded the skin of my thighs as he parted my legs, and I let out a soft moan as he kissed my stomach. He stopped for a moment, running the edge of his finger along my inner thigh, near my pubic hair, and I fidgited.

"Wh... what are you..."

He didn't say anything for a several minutes, before he muttered, "A... a tattoo... or... a... a scar..."

Suddenly, I don't know why, but I felt self-concious, and grabbed him, pulling him towards me; crashing my lips upon his. My distraction caused him to forget about what he'd seen, and our lovemaking resumed. My nails dug into his back as he drove deeper; our climax rose higher and higher, fuller and stronger with each movement, each kiss. I turned our gentle lovemaking into rough- almost violent- sex; it was the only way I could make my mind stop reliving the last twenty-four hours. I wanted to forget- forget everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours, everything that had ever happened in my life, everything that had ever caused me pain, ever destroyed something I loved, someone I loved...

"Yero! Oh Yero... my hero..."

When we collapsed in each other's arms, the sweet scent of sex covering our exposed skin like a blanket, I couldn't help but think back on what we'd just done.

I felt- for the first time- like I'd finally cleansed my soul.


	21. Chapter 21

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**A/N: WARNING! Mentions of INCEST! Read at your own risk!**

**Thanks to Empress Moonchild of Fantasia and Beautifully Tragic Girl for reviewing 20.**

I awoke that night of my own free will, finding my body still entwined with Fiyero's. For several moments, I lay there, enjoying the feel of his arms around my body and his legs entangled with mine. Sometime in the night, we'd switched places, and I found that I felt more exposed without Fiyero's protective embrace over me. Finally, I slowly, silently climbed out of bed, and glancing back at him, I went to the bathroom.

Softly, I closed it behind me, locking it and resting my forehead against it as my breathing began to speed up. After several moments, I moved away from the door and went to the counter, leaning against it as I watched my reflection in the mirror. The long, tangled black hair fell down my shoulders and back; the dark eyes stared back at me, reflections of spirits within their haunted depths. I whimpered, leaning against the counter, looking down at the sink, as tears began to form behind my eyes and sobs started within my chest.

Gasping, I lifted my head and stared at my reflection as tears raced down my cheeks, and for a moment, I saw the scared little girl I'd been so long ago. I saw the fear, the horror, I'd hidden for so long. Sobs escaped my parched throat, and I reached up, pressing the back of my hand against my lips to stop the sobs, for fear Yero would wake. I shook my head, and after several moments, I moved away from the counter, moving to the far wall and pressing my back into it.

_"... a tattoo or a scar..." _

Fiyero's words came rushing back to me, and I let out a sob, glancing at the mirror. I hated what met me. I hated what I was, what I'd been, what I was becoming...

Instinctively, my hand went to my abdomen, and my sobs came harder. As I slid to the floor, I found myself thinking back on what had truly gotten me into this mess- _who_- had gotten me into this mess. What he'd done to me, how he'd treated me, how he'd tortured me night after night, from the time I was a child of four until this last year. How he'd threatened my life if I screamed, how he'd forced me every night after dinner, to meet him in the den... how he'd nearly destroyed my chances at any sort of normal life.

How he'd threatened if I didn't destroy it.

_"... a tattoo or a scar..."_

Slowly, I reached down, tracing it. It wasn't a tattoo.

That scar was the last reminder of the hell he'd put me through for the last fourteen years. It was the last reminder of a hell that had only gotten worse after Mama died, after Shell died. It was something that he'd demanded every night since Mama died. It was something I'd tried so hard to escape.

I'd fought so hard to forget, that I couldn't stop the memories floating to the surface now. Suddenly, I got the sense that he was watching me, that he was waiting for me, and I couldn't stop myself; I just cried harder. The last thing I wanted was to go back to bed, not with these memories now returning. He'd ruined me, destroyed me, and forced me to clean up the mess.

Forced me to fix _his _mistake.

Eventually, the door opened, and I turned to see Fiyero in the doorway.

"Fae..." He came over to me, knelt down across from me and took my face in his hands. "Shh. Shh... _Shamka_, hush... What's wrong? Hey, look at me, what's wrong?"

I shook his head, looking away, trying to stop my sobs. But he turned me back so I had to face him, and through my tears, I saw the concern in his eyes and on his face.

_"I can't."_

"Shh... Shamka... shh... You need to hush, okay? You need to calm down."

_"I can't... I can't..." _

He didn't say anything for several minutes, before he scooped me up and carried me back to bed. Once we were tucked under the covers, he turned to me and asked, "What can't you tell me, _Shamka_?"

I didn't say anything, just turned from him, but he pulled my face back to him. Silence passed by before I choked out,

"Just hold me, Yero. _Please._ Just hold me."

He did, pulling me into his arms and kissing my hair. He rubbed my back, holding me close. It was a comfort, being in his arms, feeling a strong man's loving embrace. Hearing the heart of the man I loved, feeling his arms tighten around me, smelling the sweet scent of his skin. Being in Yero's arms helped calm my racing heart. Eventually, he laid his cheek against my head and asked, "What happened, _Shamka_? What got you so upset?"

Hearing the caring in his voice nearly lulled me to sleep, and after several minutes of silence; my breathing now returned to even and my heart returned to normal within my ribcage, I sighed and said,

"That... I..."

I closed my eyes and swallowed, burying my face in his chest for several minutes as my heart began to speed again and my pulse to quicken. After several deep, calming breaths, I said,

"My..."

"It's okay, Fae. I won't judge."

"I... I know, Yero... I just..."

"Take your time, Fae."

After taking another deep breath, I buried my face in his chest and said,

"It's not a tattoo. It... it's scar... abortion."


	22. Chapter 22

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**Question: Incest?**

**Answer: Yeah... major incest...**

**Thanks to Hedwig466 for reviewing 18, 20 and 21, to Beautifully Tragic Girl for reviewing 20 and 21 and to gagakid and Empress Moonchild of Fantasia for reviewing 21.**

Several moments passed before he pulled away and looked into my eyes.

"D... did you say... an... abortion scar?"

Ashamed, I nodded, refusing to meet his eyes. After several seconds, he reached out and lifted my chin, looking into my eyes.

"Y..."

"What happened, _Shamka_?" He whispered, refusing to relinquish my gaze. I took a shuddering breath, searching his eyes for a sign of flight, before speaking.

"My... my father... f... Frex... he..." Tears began to prick my eyes, and I had to take a breath to calm my speeding heart. "He... from the time I was a _toddler_... he..." I shook my head, moving to the edge of the bed.

"Fae-" He grabbed my arm, stopping me from getting off the bed. I turned to him, and after several minutes, I folded my feet beneath me, and looked into my lap. "Did he abuse you?" I didn't respond. "Fae, look at me. Look at me." Slowly, I raised my eyes to his. "Did he abuse you... sexually?" I let seconds of tension pass, before nodding. He sighed. "Did he... get you... pregnant?"

I nodded, choking out a sob and reaching up to wipe the tears off my cheeks. Gently, he ran his thumbs over the balls of my cheeks to get rid of the tears. We didn't say anything for several moments; when I couldn't stand the silence anymore, I said,

"He... he start... started... abusing me at... when I was... four... I didn't tell Mama... I didn't tell anyone..." He listened, keeping quiet, waiting for me to continue. Taking a deep breath, I decided that it was now or never. "I... I have... pre... precocious... precocious puberty. I... I started de... developing when I was... seven..." Quickly I reached up to wipe the tears that continued to chase each other down my cheeks. "I... he... he... I got pregnant when I was nine... he made me get rid of it... it was... a... a _botched abortion_..." I broke down then, my secret out, and my heart exposed.

I waited; waited for him to tell me to get out, waited for him to throw me out of the dorm, waited for his harsh words, his hatred. But after five minutes, it didn't come.

Ten minutes.

Fifteen.

Twenty.

Twenty-five.

Thirty.

Thirty-five.

Forty.

"_I'M SORRY!" _I choked out, looking up at him. He gathered me in his arms, as my confession sank in. He held me close, rubbing my back and whispering to me, allowing me to cry. We didn't move for several moments, as he held me, let me cry. Eventually, he pulled away and held my face in his hands.

"Why didn't you tell me about this earlier?" He asked gently. I shook my head, unable to give him a solid answer. "Fae- you could have saved yourself this heartache." I didn't say anything, just sobbed harder, and he once again pulled me into his arms. "Oh Fae. Fae, why didn't you tell me?"

"I... afraid... you..."

"I wouldn't blame you, sweetheart. It wasn't your fault. It was your father's."

"He's... not... father..."

"What? What did you say?" He asked, pulling away to look into my eyes.

"He... Frex... isn't... my... father..." I choked out, reaching up to wipe tears off my cheeks.

"He isn't your father?" I shook my head. "Then who is?"

"O... Oscar... He... he was... a... a traveler... that... that Mama had an... affair with..." I met his eyes, and he pulled me into his arms, allowing me to cry. I clung to him, horrified that he was going to leave me; unable to stop myself from telling him everything. He was the only real, true,_ good _thing in my life, and I didn't want to lose him. I confessed it all, every last detail from start to finish. "Yero... _Yero, please_, say something... _please_..." He stayed silent, watching me. "_Please_..."

Instead of saying anything, he kissed me.

Hard, violent, rough, he took control, forcing me back on the bed as he kissed me; biting my lips, nibbling on my neck and nipping gently at my skin. I let him take the lead, wanting him to be rough, wanting him to help me forget the hell I'd been going through since birth. His touch, his kiss, were the only things I concentrated on. Now that my secret was out, it was my job to forget; Fiyero would make sure I didn't go through it alone.

For that moment, that night, I was a regular girl making love with my boyfriend. I was a regular girl doing something normal people did without even thinking; for once, I could be normal. For once, I was just a girl, in the arms of the man I loved, no curse, no spirits following me around. I was normal; ordinary, as ordinary as I could get. And I cherished it, because the next morning, I'd go back to being the freak that talked to ghosts.

But tonight-

Tonight, I could just be me.


	23. Chapter 23

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**Thanks to gagakid, Empress Moonchild of Fantasia, Beautifully Tragic Girl and Naturally Green for reviewing 21 and lizziemagic for reviewing 21 and 22.**

I awoke the next morning in Fiyero's arms. A headache began to throb in my temple as I sat up, and after several minutes of keeping still, I slowly climbed out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. Once the door was closed behind me, I started the shower and climbed in, letting the water rain over me. Slowly my eyes closed, and I relaxed, allowing all the stress of the night before to run off my body with the water.

Fiyero had listened, been patient, comforted me and loved me- but most of all, he'd accepted me for who I was. He hadn't judged me like other people did. Maybe it was because he'd watched his sister go through it.

My eyes opened as arms slid around my waist, and I turned, seeing Fiyero. I couldn't stop the smile that spread over my features as he sleepily rested his chin on my shoulder.

"Morning." He whispered, kissing my cheek. I kept quiet, resting my head against his for several minutes, before turning in his arms.

"Thank you."

He looked at me strange, not understanding. "For what?"

"For being there for me. For not judging me. For understanding."

"That's my job, Fae." He replied, reaching up to rub the ball of his thumb against my cheek. Sniffling, I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head on his chest.

"I love you."

I was surprised at how easily the phrase rolled off my tongue now; since admitting the night before that I loved him, everything concerning our love seemed to come easier. The words came easier. I was able to love him and be loved in return. Even if I couldn't love myself.

"I love you, too."

When we got out of the shower, we took our time dressing, and once we were dressed, we left, going to the Tangled Heart. I walked with my hand entwined in Fiyero's, not caring if other students saw us or what they said. It being a Saturday, there were no classes, and so most were either out shopping, wandering around town, or sleeping in. Luckily, we met very few on campus at six on a Saturday morning.

Once we got to the Tangled Heart, Fiyero slipped behind the counter to start the day, and I looked around quickly before following.

"Can I... help with anything, Yero?" He looked up from wiping down the counter.

"Why don't you head into the kitchen and sit a while, relax. You need it." After a few moments, I nodded, doing as suggested. Once I was settled, he brought me a cup of raspberry tea.

"Thank you." He nodded, kissing the top of my head before returning to work. I don't know how long I sat there, sipping my tea and staring into space, but at some point, I must have dozed off, because when I awoke, someone was shaking me.

"Elphaba!"

I sat up, eyes snapping open as I searched for any sign of Shell. Seeing none, I turned, to see Fiyero standing behind me.

"Yero, what-"

"You were screaming. Is everything all right?" After a moment, I nodded. He watched me, making sure I was okay before returning to work. When his shift ended, and we returned to the dorm, he asked, "What happened?"

"I don't know." We walked in silence, returning to the dorm before eleven, and curling up on the bed, allowing ourselves to sink into silence before drifting off to sleep.

Sometime later, I awoke with the urgent need to get out of the dorm. When I checked the clock, it was around eight in the evening, and the sky had darkened to a deep, dark blue. Glancing over Fiyero, I saw that he was still asleep, and so I slowly moved from his arms, and pulled my shoes on before zipping up my worn grey hoodie. Then, I stood, went to the door, and with one final glance back, I slipped out of the dorm and down the hall.

As I left the dorm and made my way through campus, I found that I needed to clear my head. I figured the best thing to do would be to take a walk, find the lake that was in the woods around Shiz, and maybe take a quick swim. Water had always helped when I was younger. Something about swimming and relaxing. Silent, I made my way through campus, too lost in my own thoughts to think about anything else; certainly too lost to notice the person following.

When I stopped, the footsteps stopped as well, and for a moment, I thought it was Fiyero, following to make sure I was okay. But when he didn't come closer and didn't say anything, I continued on.

"Fabala!" My feet stopped, and I felt my breath catch. "Fabala, are you mad at me?" I didn't have to turn around to know who it was.

Shell.

Gathering my courage, I choked out, "Leave me alone, Shell."

"But Fabala- I... I'm sorry." I shook my head, covering my ears.

"No. No!"

"Fabala-"

"_I told you to leave me alone_!" I screamed, taking off running. He followed, keeping hot on my heels as I rushed through campus.

"Fabala!"

_"Leave me alone!" _I lost track of where I was going, but eventually, I made it to the lake, and stumbling onto the shore, I searched quickly for any sign of him.

"Fabala." I turned, seeing him behind me. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" Tears glistened in his eyes, and he reached out for me. I shook my head, and after stumbling back, I turned and rushed into the lake.


	24. Chapter 24

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

The water was murky, cold. Bubbles rose around me, and I wrinkled my nose as they brushed against my skin. Slowly, I turned, looking around quickly, searching for any sign of the mythical mermaid that was said to swim within these waters. All I saw was water plants, felt the soft feathers of the leaves against my skin, and the smooth trendils of underwater vines beneath my feet.

I moved through the water, keeping my eyes open for any sign of life within the murky depths, but seeing none, I allowed myself to relax. And then I felt something clamp onto my ankle. The motion startled me and I turned, looking and seeing nothing but dark red slits watching me. Out of fear, I tried to swim away, only to be pulled further. Panic set in, turning my blood to bullets and my insides to syrup, and I struggled to break free.

The nails dug into my skin, and I struggled to keep from screaming so I wouldn't inhale water. Instead, I kicked out towards it.

Big mistake.

It pulled me further, and after several minutes, I felt nails digging into my skin. I cried out, inhaling water and choking. After several minutes of struggling, I managed to break free and rushed towards the surface. Breaking through the water, I gulped in air, quickly searching for any sign of another human being. Seeing none, I treaded water for several minutes, allowing air to rush into my lungs before I swam for the shore.

Worn out, I climbed onshore and sat, catching my breath before climbing to my feet and rushing from the lake. I hurried through the woods, fleeing back towards campus, to worried about whatever had grabbed me in the lake to care to look and see if my brother was following. Once I finally made it back to campus, and fled through the green, I saw someone rushing towards me.

As he got closer, I realized that it was Fiyero.

I managed to stumble into his arms, just as I regained my breath. My hands grasped fistfuls of his shirt, and I buried my face in his chest, even as he reached out to grasp my face in his hands.

"What happened? _Shamka_, what happened?"

"I... I..."

"I woke up and you weren't there! You scared me half to death! I thought-" He didn't have to finish; it was written in his eyes.

"I... Shell... lake..."

"You're not making sense. Slow down."

"I..." As I struggled to speak, I stumbled forward, and landed wrong, collapsing on the ground as my ankle gave out. A cry of pain escaped my lips, and I reached down to grab my ankle once I was seated on the grass. Fiyero, concern written all over his face, knelt next to me.

"Fae-"

_"Ow!" _I bit my lip and leaned back to try to keep from screaming in pain. He reached out, removing my hands and gently taking my ankle in his hands.

"Stay still, _Shamka_. Stay still." I nodded, doing as told. Or trying too.

Slowly, he pushed my pants leg up, revealing my ankle. Biting my lip, I leaned forward to look.

Five, long, razor thin cuts went all the way around my ankle; blood beaded and coursed down my skin, and the ankle itself looked swollen and bruised. He glanced up at me, before turning back to my foot.

"I can't tell if it's broken or not. We'll have to get you back to the dorm so I can check. Come on." He climbed to his feet, and then helped me to mine, and we started to walk back to Briscoe, when my ankle gave way and I collapsed again, crying out. "That's it, you're not walking. Here." And he pulled me to my feet again, before scooping me up. "Up we go." Then, after making sure my arms were around his neck, he carried me back to Briscoe.

Once the door closed behind us, he set me on the bed and hurried into the bathroom, returning minutes later with a washcloth, cream and bandage. Sitting next to me, he reached out and undid my jeans, helping me out of them before working on my ankle.

"I don't think it's broken. It's just swollen, but the tendons are snapped."

"S... Snapped?" I choked out. He nodded.

"You snapped your achellis tendons, at the back of your ankle."

"How do you-"

"Because my sister snapped hers the exact same way."

I locked eyes with him, nodding after a moment. I winced, hissing as he tended to my ankle, and once it was wrapped, he made me lay back and rest. Once everything was cleaned up and put away, he joined me, sitting next to me.

"What were you doing at the lake, Shamka?" He asked softly, reaching out to brush my wet hair off my shoulder. I swallowed, taking a deep breath before facing him.

"I... I needed to clear my head. So I went for a walk. And... and Shell... Shell found me. He... he tried to talk to me, but I didn't want to hear it, so I ran. I... hid in the lake. And... after about... fifteen minutes or so, I went to go to the surface, and something grabbed me. At... at first I... I thought it was... one of the water vines, but when it didn't let go... I looked back and... and saw red slits... like eyes... I struggled and... and something slashed against my ankle. It finally let me go... and I broke through the surface and swam for shore and then left. And... that's when you found me... when I was... heading back to through the green..."

He nodded, silent. After several minutes, he leaned close and kissed me sweetly. Then, he wrapped me in his arms and held me close.

"Thank Oz you didn't get hurt further."


	25. Chapter 25

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**Question: Is there a reason why Elphaba was screaming?**

**Answer: yes**

**Question: Was Melena the one pulling her?**

**Answer: no**

**Thanks to Naturally Green for reviewing 23 and 24 and to Beautifully Tragic Girl for reviewing 24.**

The next morning, Fiyero took me to the infirmary, where I found out that he had been right- my tendons were snapped. Surgery was a possibility, but until that could take place, he had me wrap it with ice and keep off it for the next eight weeks- which meant no class, no walking of any kind. If I even wanted to get up to go to the bathroom, Fiyero had to carry me. Naturally, the first thing I did was get up and go into the kitchen to fix myself a cup of tea.

_"What are you doing?"_

I looked up to see Fiyero glaring at me, hands on hips.

"I... wanted a cup of tea."

"Then why didn't you tell me?" He asked, coming towards me and scooping me up.

"Yero!"

"Tell me, _Shamka_. Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, carrying me back to the bed.

"Because I wanted to do it myself. I don't need you to do things for me. I've never needed anyone to do anything for me. I can do things for myself just fine."

"But you're injured, _Shamka_." He reprimanded gently as he set me down on the bed.

"I know." I replied, crossing my arms over my chest. He sighed and sat down next to me.

"I'm worried about you, _Shamka_. I don't want to lose you." I relaxed, letting him cradle my cheek in his hand. After a moment of staring into my eyes, he leaned close and captured my lips in a kiss. My eyes closed instinctively, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. When we broke the kiss, I whispered,

"You won't lose me, Yero."

He shook his head. "Yes I will. Either way, I lose you."

I stared into his eyes for several minutes before pulling him close and pressing his head into my chest. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I tangled my fingers in his hair and kissed the top of his head. I knew he was thinking of his sister; I knew he was struggling to keep a strong stance. We stayed that way for several minutes, before Fiyero finally lay next to me, wrapping his arm around my waist.

"What happened?"

I turned to him. "What do you mean?"

"What happened last night? I woke up and you were screaming."

I licked my lips to calm my nerves, and said, "I... I dreamt about Mama. I... About... about the night she died... I... I walked in on her..."

"How?" He asked, taking my hand and kissing my palm. I took a shaky breath, and glanced at him before speaking.

"She... She slit her wrists... in the bathtub... The water was red... it over... overflowed the bathtub... she was com... completely submerged..." I broke down then, and he wrapped me in his arms, rubbing my back. I couldn't stop myself from sobbing; it was like the last seven years had finally caused the dam to break.

All Fiyero did was hold me, rubbing my back and whispering softly to me. He understood. He knew what it was like to walk in on a loved one dieing. He'd discovered his sister when she died. He knew what it was like.

I spent the next two hours in Fiyero's arms, sobbing until my throat was sore and my eyes were dry. When he finally pulled away, he whispered,

"Come on, Fae," He got out of bed and helped me to my feet before scooping me up.

"Yero, what-"

But he didn't say anymore, as he carried me into the bathroom, started the shower, and then helped me remove my clothes. Once we were standing under the showerhead, he wrapped his arms around me, taking on most of my weight, as he whispered and talked to me. Several moments passed before I rested my head on his chest, and allowed myself to be soothed by his voice.

I must have dozed off, because when I awoke, I was laying in bed, and Fiyero was just climbing back into bed with me.

"Yero-"

"Shh. It's okay, I'm right here. I just got up to take my medication." The word 'medication' caught my attention, and I sat up, never taking my eyes off him.

"Medication? What medication?"

"Not now, Elphaba, please."

"No Yero, what medication?" When he realized that I wasn't going to drop it, he sighed and said,

"A... I'm on... anti-depressants. I... I've been on them since..." He glanced at me. "Since I was ten. Not long after... after I found... after I found Cassi..." I listened, before reaching over and cradling his face him my hands.

"I'm sorry."

He shrugged, tears in his eyes. "There's nothing you can do. I didn't have a choice then, and I don't want to be off of them now..."

After several minutes, I moved closer, sitting on my knees, as I brushed his tears away with the balls of my thumbs.

"If you... If you don't take them... wh... what... happens..."

He sighed.

"If I don't have them... I try suicide. Like my sister." After a moment, he pulled away and pushed up his shirt sleeves, showing me his arms.

In the light of the moon, I saw scars.


	26. Chapter 26

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**Question: Can things get any worse for Elphaba?**

**Answer: You'll have to read to find out**

**Thanks to lizziemagic for reviewing 23, 24 and 25, Empress Moonchild of Fantasia, Beautifully Tragic Girl and ASHtheMUSICALgirl13 for reviewing 25.**

Sharp, enxtended, some curling around his arm, they were old, some faded. A few were fresh, tinged red or pink, puffy and looked painful. They crisscrossed, triangled, paralled and checkered in sickening patterns and designs along his arms, some small, some big. I swallowed the fear I felt at seeing them, and felt tears prick my eyes as I looked from the scars to his face and back.

Then, slowly, I reached out and traced them.

He winced slightly as my fingers moved over the fresh ones, but didn't cry out. Instead, he turned away, not meeting my eyes. After several minutes, I said,

"Yero, look at me._ Look at me_." Slowly, he turned to face me, and I saw the pain in his eyes. I turned back to the fresh cuts, examining them. "A... Are these new?" He lowered his gaze. "Yero we have to-" I began, moving to the edge of the bed; he grabbed my arm.

"I... already took care of them, Elphaba." He whispered. It was several moments before I spoke.

"Oh. Okay." Then, I returned to his side, snuggling into him. "Yero?"

"Hmm?"

"Did you... always... cut?" He sighed, gently wrapping his arm around me.

"I didn't start until Cassi's first attempt. It scared me so badly that... I couldn't handle it, and slit my wrists. Cassi found me, and... and made me promise never to do it again. I went for several months without cutting... and then... and then Cassi committed suicide, and... and I broke my promise..."

I listened, reaching up to wipe the tears away. He kissed my fingers, and I turned in his embrace, until I was facing him. For several minutes, I watched him, before leaning close and capturing his lips in a kiss. His tears were salty on my lips, and I tasted the coolness of water before the sharpness of blood. He'd bitten his lip and drawn blood. Slowly, I deepened the kiss, holding his head in my hands and tangling my fingers in his hair. When I pulled away, I stared into his eyes, before kissing him again.

"I love you."

He just nodded, swallowing his tears. Then, he buried his face in my shoulder, as his shoulders gently shook with sobs. I held him, rubbing his back and letting him cry, letting him grieve for his older sister. Eventually, we both drifted off to sleep.

When I awoke, it was to someone watching me. My eyes snapped open, and I realized I was face to face with Shell. A scream of surprise escaped my lips, and I backed up, trying to put distance between me and my brother.

"Ma-"

"Let me talk to Fabala, Shell." He turned, and quickly scrambled off the bed, and I looked up, to see Mama make her way towards me. "Well, what do you have to say for yourself?"

"A... _excuse me_?"

"You heard me, Fabala, what do you have to say for yourself?"

"What do you care?"

"I'm your mother."

"Oh, right, I forgot about that. Sorry." Slowly, I moved out of Fiyero's arms and towards the edge of the bed. It took me a few minutes, but eventually I was able to stand and slowly make my way to the kitchen.

"What happened?" I looked up at her from leaning against the kitchen counter.

"You know what happened."

She shook her head. "No. I don't."

"Didn't Shell tell you? He was there. He followed me... _when I told him not too! Told you not to! I told you to leave me alone, Mama! And I meant it_!" She just looked from my ankle to my face and back. "You sent Shell to play messenger, and to get away from him, I hid in the lake. _But when I tried to get out, you grabbed a hold of my ankle and tried to drown me! You snapped my achelles tendon! I have to have surgery because of you! You tried to kill me!_"

She stared at me like I'd lost it, before finally saying, "Fabala, I didn't- I wasn't in the lake. Shell came back, and told me that you'd run off. I... I _wasn't in the lake_. No matter what you think, that wasn't me. I... I think it may... it may have been the mermaid."

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "Yeah right. It was _the mermaid. Mermaids aren't real, Mama! They're myths! Legends! Folklore! Made up to scare children! Like Kumbrica and the Scarecrow! They. Don't. Ex-ist!" _

"How can you say that, Fabala? You used to believe in them all the time. Mermaids... nymphs... centaurs... goblins... brownies... catuars... dwarfs... unicorns... angels... phoenixes... harpies... sirens... fairies... You loved to believe in fairies. You... I... I remember... you used to... to dress up in my clothes and a pair of costume fairy wings and wave a small stick like you were granting wishes... you said you were flying... You had so much fun..." I listened, staring at the counter. "_What happened to my little girl? _Fa... Fabala... wh... _what happened to my baby?"_

Moments passed, before I spoke, briefly meeting her eyes.

"She grew up. You died... and she was sexually abused by her father. She _got pregnant_... and was _forced_ to have an _abortion_... she... _held her baby brother as he died in her arms_... she grew up, Mama. _I _grew up. I got here... and... I met someone who... who loves me but... but who has his own demons to fight... and now he's fighting mine... he doesn't need to be fighting mine, Mama. He doesn't need to be fighting mine... but he is... and I love him so much... but... I either have to murder or die because of this... this _curse_... and I can't... I _can't leave him... he's suffered so much already..._ I grew up... and I'll never be able to take back what happened... _thanks to you_..."

She didn't say anything, just moved to touch me, when I backed away. My ankle gave out, and I collapsed on the kitchen floor.

_"LEAVE ME ALONE!"_


	27. Chapter 27

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**Question: And what did Elphaba mean by murder?**

**Answer: You'll have to keep reading to find out**

**Question: is it(the story) done or is there more hiding somewhere?**

**Answer: Don't worry, there's more. Life's just been getting in the way, and I haven't been able to update it as often.**

**Thanks to gagakid, lizziemagic, StereoCityQueen, DaydreamerWriterandArtist4(EVER) and Beautifully Tragic Girl for reviewing 26.**

_"DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? I WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE!"_

"Elphaba!"

_"LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE!"_

_"Elphaba, IT'S ME!"_

_"LEAVE ME ALONE!"_

I felt myself being phsyically lifted, picked up off the ground and carried over to the bed. I struggled, fighting against the person, not realizing that it was Fiyero I was fighting.

"Elphaba! Elphaba, stop!"

_"LEAVE ME ALONE!"_

I felt someone grab my hands, and thinking it was Shell, I kicked out, but he dodged me. I fought for several minutes, screaming and crying, clawing and biting in an attempt to get my brother to let go of me.

_"ELPHABA!"_

My eyes snapped open, and I found myself laying on the bed, being held in Fiyero's arms. I looked around, finding myself in his dorm, on his bed, within his embrace. Taking a deep breath, I turned to look at him.

"Yero? What-"

"You were sitting on the kitchen floor, screaming. At first, I thought you'd lost your mind. And then..." He pressed his forehead against mine, breathing in my scent as he held me close. I snuggled into him, wrapping my arms tight around his neck. He rubbed my back, kissing my hair before pulling away. I knew what he meant- he understood what had happened; he always would.

Moments passed; intense silence pressing in on me, as I held onto Fiyero; terror crawled up my back as I shifted my eyes back and forth, checking for any sign of my mother and brother. I could feel my nails digging into his skin, and after a while, I turned and buried my face in his neck. The feel of his hand tangling in my hair reminded me that he was real, that I was alive, and that I wasn't alone.

"Stay here." He whispered, pulling away and looking into my eyes. I nodded, and felt his lips on my forehead, before feeling him get off the bed. I heard him move through the room, before disappearing behind a door. And then I heard the shower start. When I looked up next, he was in front of me, helping me to my feet and taking me into the bathroom. With the door closed behind us, he slowly undressed me, before undressing himself and helping me into the shower before joining.

Once I was under the water, I released the breath I didn't realize I'd been holding, and slowly turned to look at him. He gave me a brief smile, before reaching up and cupping my cheek. I closed my eyes and pressed my cheek into his palm, breathing in his scent before leaning into him. There mere fact that he knew about my curse, that he'd lived through the loss of a loved one to this same curse, took my breath away. I realized, that slowly, I'd begun to fall in love with him.

He held me, eventually lathering my body with soap as a way to relax me. Under his loving, gentle touch, I rested; my heart began to calm and my breathing returned to normal. I captured his lips in several sweet kisses, before eventually allowing him to walk me back under the showerhead and rinse my body off. As his hands ran over my shoulders, trailed over my stomach and curved around my thighs, I stiffened. Panic, pure fear began to rise within me, and I pulled away. Pressing my body to the wall, I felt my heart begin to speed again, and my breathing returned to its rapid bursts. My eyes closed, and I shook my head, feeling a headache start behind my eyes.

"I can't leave you alone, Elphaba. You're my daughter. I love you."

My eyes snapped open, and I looked around. The steam from the shower had formed so thick, I couldn't see two feet in front of me. Quickly, I reached back and gathered my hair over my shoulder, ringing out the water.

"I could never leave you, my little Rebecca. You're my baby girl."

Someone came out of the steam.

Mama.

She moved towards me, stopping in front of me, before reaching out to caress my cheek. I winced at her touch, and tried to press myself closer to the wall.

"What happened to my baby? Where did she go? I don't even know you anymore."

I cracked my eyes open, glanced at her. Tears misted in her eyes, and heartbreak coated her face. I swallowed and choked out,

"She's gone. And she's never coming back, Mama."

She shook her head, unwilling to believe it.

"No. No, she's not. Not my baby. My baby would never go away. Not my Fabala." I glanced at her before pulling away.

"Go away, Mama. Leave me alone."

"Why? So you can... can... be with... with that jackass?"

_"Fiyero loves me!"_ I replied.

_"No he doesn't! He's using you! He's only interested in sex, he doesn't care about you!"_

_"NO HE DOESN'T! HE LOVES ME!"_ I screamed, turning to meet her eyes; I had to protect him from her, the way he protected me from humans. As I looked into her eyes, I realized that she wouldn't understand.

Spirits never understand.


	28. Chapter 28

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**A/N: Hey! I'm back! Sorry about the long wait, guys, but my job, finals, applying for schools, and my dance recital took precedence over this. Sorry about that. But, now that summer's here and school's out, I can get back to this. **

**WARNING! HIGH HIGH M!**

**Thanks to lizziemagic and StereoCityQueen for reviewing 27. **

"Elphaba!"

I looked up, finding myself in the shower, with Fiyero. Mama was gone, we were alone, the water raining over us. Suddenly, I began to shake; gooseflesh rose on my skin, and I wrapped my arms around myself in a feeble attempt to get warm. Without saying anything, Fiyero reached behind me, turned off the shower, and then opened the door, stepping out onto the bathmat, before helping me out.

"Come on, let's get you warmed up." He whispered gently, wrapping a robe around my body and rubbing my skin slowly. "You okay?" He asked, after several minutes of rubbing my skin with the towel. I nodded once, and he swallowed, watching me for a moment before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to my forehead. After he pulled his robe on, he pulled me close and held me. I took a deep breath, slowly wrapping my arms around his strong, robed shoulders, my eyes closing. "I thought you'd hit your head." He told me, running a hand through my wet hair. "And then I-" I nodded, knowing what he meant.

Eventually, he took me back into his dorm, and we sat on the sofa, drying off. At one point, he picked up my hairbrush and began running it through my raven locks. When I turned and took the brush from him, he did nothing but wrap his arms around my waist and hold me close. I felt myself begin to tremble- not from the cold water running in rivets down my body- but from the closeness of our bodies, and the understanding that we wore nothing but bath robes- a fact that could lead to endless possibilities.

Swallowing, I asked,

"Take me back to bed, Yero, please. I- I don't want to think. I just want to feel." He didn't respond, he just nodded, stood, and scooped me into his arms. Once we were back in bed, I reached for the belt on his robe, but he stopped me.

"_Shamka_-"

Gently, I pressed a finger to his lips. "Shh. I don't want to talk, Yero. Or think, or remember. I just... I just... want... to feel."

He nodded, and pressed his lips gently to mine. As I distracted his focus with the kiss, my fingers worked nimbly to undo the tie around his waist. He stiffened momentarily, pulled away to stare into my eyes, and then pressed another kiss to my lips. As my hands slid under his robe and down around his waist, I closed my eyes and willed myself to forget about Mama and Shell and all the pain they'd caused...

I ran my hands over his buttocks, and gently stroked the muscles of his thighs as I sank into his kiss. When he slid his hands under my robe and reached up, gently caressing my breasts, I shuddered at the feel of his strong hands on my skin. I wasn't sure why I was so... frightened... but perhaps my recent encounter with Mama had caused me to be on edge. He pulled away and trailed kisses down my neck, over my collar bone and then over each breast, stopping briefly to gently nudge my nipples with his tongue. I stifled a gasp as he moved his kisses lower, eventually stopping to kiss the space below my naval.

When he returned his lips to mine, I attacked, kissing him fiercely and refusing to let go. He returned my kisses eagerly, and soon the robes we wore fell, exposing us to the chill.

"Yero-" I gasped, shivering.

He nudged my nose with his, before kissing me again. Slowly, we began to move together, blue diamonds on a green field. I kept my eyes open, watching him, showing my emotions as best I could. I bit my lip as I felt him enter me; dug my nails into his back as I closed around him, as we joined together, one soul within two bodies. My muscles tightened, and I arched my back, causing him to move further inside me, deeper.

"Oh Fae-"

Our lips met again; we moved faster, our muscles tightening and straining as we became one. Eventually, we both reached orgasm, coming hard, our screams and moans mingling; we didn't care if we woke the others in the dorm. Catching our breath, we lay in each others' arms, kissing and touching, running our hands over flesh. I lay with my legs wrapped tight around his waist, feeling him deep within me, not wanting to let go. I kissed him, sucking gently on his lips and tangling my fingers in his hair.

When I awoke several hours later, someone was standing over me. Unable to see their face, I saw them reach down.

And I struggled to scream as they clamped a hand over my mouth.


	29. Chapter 29

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

"Shh! Shh! It's me! Fabala, _it's me_!"

I sat up, pushing the person away when I realized who it was.

_"Shell?"_

He sat on the edge of the bed, silent.

"Sorry, Fabala. I didn't mean to scare you."

I glared at him.

_"What the hell are you doing here? When I told Mama to leave me alone, I meant you too!"_ I snapped, backing up against the headboard. But Shell didn't reply; he glanced at Fiyero, then back at me, connecting my nude body with the Vinkun prince.

"You're still sleeping with him?" He asked softly, meeting my eyes.

"What do you mean _'still'_?" I demanded. "Fiyero and I are together. He's the only one that knows what I am. I-" I stopped, refusing to say it, especially in front of my baby brother. He glanced again at Fiyero. Then, he blushed.

"Um, Fabala, could you-?"

Rolling my eyes, I pulled the sheet up, covering my chest. He turned away, embarrassed. I sighed. Shell was a child, dead at ten; he would never get to grow up, never get married, graduate college, never have children. I couldn't help feeling as though I were flaunting the fact that I'd survived by showing my body. It wasn't fair that my baby brother walked among the dead, while I walked among the living. After a moment, I said,

"What do you want, Shell?"

He shrugged.

"Mama-"

"Did Mama send you?" I demanded. He shook his head.

"No! She... she's just... upset. She hates..." He nodded and I turned, to see him watching Fiyero.

"Fiyero?" I asked, turning back to him. He nodded. "But-"

"She thinks he's taking you away from us."

I rolled my eyes and then climbed out of bed, taking it slow as I made my way to the bathroom. I needed to splash water on my face. Once I made it to the bathroom, I shut the door behind me and closed my eyes.

"Fabala."

I looked up, seeing Mama. She moved towards me, stopping inches from my body, and reached up, running a hand over my cheek. I winced, pulling away. She watched me for several minutes, before pulling away and going to the shower. After a moment, I saw her turn the shower on.

"Mama-"

"It won't hurt, sweetheart. If you do it real quick, it'll be unfixable; the doctor's won't be able to stop it. One quick slice, and it'll be over. I promise, Fabala."

I felt my eyes dart back and forth, from the shower to her and back. I knew what she was implying, I remembered it. Instantly, her death came back to me, full force.

_"Mama? Mama!"_

_"Suicide. I'm sorry, Mr. Thropp."_

_"You killed your mother!"_

I choked out a gasp, willing the memories to leave me alone. Reaching up, I covered my ears, choking on my sobs.

"No. _No!_ Stop!"

I didn't look up, I knew this was what she wanted.

_"I love you, Fabala. Never forget that."_

_"Why would I forget it, Mama?"_

_"Just in case you don't see me tomorrow morning."_

_"Are you going somewhere, Mama?"_

I shook my head, crumpling to the ground.

_"STOP IT, MAMA!"_

When I looked up next, she was in front of me, helping me up and leading me to the shower. I looked up at the showerhead, feeling the water rain over my nude body; comforting, familiar. Turning, I saw her reach out for me.

"It's okay, sweetheart. It'll be okay. I promise."

And then I saw what she was holding.

A razor.

Glancing up at her, I took a deep breath. Of its own free will, my hand reached out and took it, turning the blade towards me. It glinted in the darkness, a North star leading me home. With one last glance her way, I turned the blade down, held out my wrist.

Pressed the cold metal to my skin.

But as I went to slice my skin open, I stopped, unable too.

"I can't... I... I can't..."

"You can, sweetheart." I looked up, to see Mama holding my face in her hands. "It only hurts for a moment."

And then she covered my hand with hers, held my other hand steady.

And sliced.

The searing pain caused by my ripped flesh brought a scream from my lips that I tried hard to repress. When I was finally able to open my eyes, I saw the blood, my blood- ruby red and streaming down my arm- drip onto the shower floor, dotting the tiles the color of blood. To the untrained eye, if you just saw the spots, the first thing that would come to mind, would be menstrual blood, but to the trained eye- mine, Mama's, even Fiyero's- it was as clear as day where the blood had come from.

I didn't register the feel of the razor on my other wrist, didn't comprehend the blood streaming from my other wrist, didn't understand how I could slice my other wrist open, when I'd already sliced up the other one. The only thing I registered, was the cold shower wall against my back, the water raining over my body as I slid to the tile floor, and Mama.

Mama, sitting next to me, stroking my hair.

Mama, whispering softly.

Mama, coaxing me to let go, to accept that I would be better off.

"It'll be okay, Fabala. Once you let go, it'll all be okay. I promise."

I didn't even register Fiyero calling my name.

All I could do was weakly nod, as the darkness overtook me.


	30. Chapter 30

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**A/N: My 30th chapter for ILMLIOSL.**

**Thanks to UnlimitedDream 90 for reviewing 20 and 29, lizziemagic and StereoCityQueen for reviewing 29. **

"That's it, sweet girl. Just let go. You can do it. You can let go."

I slowly turned my head; my sight was hazy, all I could make out was Mama, sitting beside me, brushing my hair away from my face and coaxing me. I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing came out. No words; no questions about what I'd done, why she'd done this to me, why _I'd_ been the one given this... this curse. I could say nothing...

... Suddenly, light and sound assaulted my senses, and I cringed in a feeble attempt to hide.

A soft moan escaped my lips, and I tried to open my eyes-

"It's okay, you'll be all right, Miss. Just lay back and relax, we'll get you to the hospital and have you fixed up soon."

_Soon._

That one word- that one _simple_ word- held so much for me...

I awoke hours later, to find myself in hospital clothing, attached to an IV drip, oxygen tubes attached to my nose, and strapped to a bed. Terror washed over me as I looked down, seeing the leather straps, the metal restraints.

Everything came rushing back.

_"How long will she be staying for, Mr. Thropp?"_

_"Eight months."_

_The checkered tiles..._

_... white uniforms..._

_... straightjackets..._

_leather straps with metal restraints..._

_"Be a good girl, Fabala. We'll come see you soon."_

_"No! Don't go!"_

_The leather biting into skin..._

_"It hurts! Make it stop!"_

_"It's okay. You're all right; you're safe now."_

_"I'm scared. I don't want to be here! Let me go, please!"_

_"Now you just relax. I'm going to give you a sedative, it'll make you sleep. Okay?"_

I couldn't- nor did I want to stop- the scream that escaped my mouth.

My screams brought several uniformed officials into the room. The sight of them caused me to scream louder, and I struggled against the restraints, begging them to let me go.

_"You have to calm down!"_

_"LET ME GO! PLEASE! I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE!"_

_"You need to calm down!"_

I looked down, seeing one of the nurses pull out a needle and grab my arm. I screamed louder, struggling to get away. Eventually, I heard a familiar voice.

_"What's going on?"_

I looked up quickly, seeing Fiyero at my side.

_"Yero! Make them stop!"_

I screamed louder as I felt the needle enter my skin, and I tensed up, grabbing Yero's hand and squeezing. He moved closer to the bed, letting me squeeze his hand until my knuckles turned white. When she finally withdrew the needle, she patted my hand and said,

"That will help you sleep."

Eventually, they left; I moved over so Yero could lay beside me. Once the door was closed behind us, I asked,

"What happened, Yero? I don't remember."

He sighed, reaching out to play with a wayward strand of my hair.

"I... I woke up and you weren't in bed with me. When I checked the bathroom, you were in the shower, the water running, barely conscious. And when I checked your wrists, I knew why. It brought Cassi back full force, and I called the nine-one-one."

"You didn't-"

He shook his head. "I stayed with you. I couldn't leave you alone. I left Cassi alone to go get my parents that time and... we nearly lost her. I wasn't going to do the same with you. I wasn't going to lose you- even if it was just a risk."

After a moment, I reached up, tracing his features, feeling the tears on his cheeks. He sniffled softly, pressing a kiss to my fingers when they brushed over his lips. We locked eyes for several minutes, before he whispered,

"I love you."

I smiled at him softly, taking a shaky breath. "I love you too, Yero."

Then, he leaned close and captured my lips in his. Gently, I felt his hands come up to cradle my face, and I reached up, wrapping my arms around his neck. We lay kissing and caressing for several minutes; when I finally pulled away, I saw what had brought me here in the first place.

On both of my wrists, were two rows of thin, black stitches.

After a moment, I reached down, tracing them with one hand. The sight of such ugly, rigid x's on both my wrists shocked me into silence, and I refused to acknowledge Fiyero's next few statements.

"When did I do this?" I finally asked, looking up at him. He sighed.

"When you were in the bathroom. The... the doctor said that... that you severed a major artery in your left wrist because you're right-handed. The right one wasn't as severe."

"But where are we?"

"At... at the hospital. Why?"

I swallowed, unsure of whether or not I should tell him. On the one hand, he'd probably accept me like he had from day one. But on the other, he could also reject me. And that was my greatest fear now. Moments passed in silence, before I finally whispered,

"Because... I was... my father checked me into Glinda Merta Asylum when I was nine, after my abortion."


	31. Chapter 31

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**A/N: The novel they are reading/watching/dicussing is Anne Rice's _Interview with the Vampire_. Elphaba draws several parallels between her life and Louis's in this chapter. I suggest you read it and see the film, both are wonderful. In no way am I basing this story off Anne Rice's works; I'm just using it for Elphaba to draw parallels and try to get Yero to see reason.**

"_'And I saw my last sunrise," said the vampire. "That morning I was not yet a vampire, and I saw my last sunrise. I remember it completely, and yet I can't recall any sunrise before it...'_"

I swallowed, snuggling close to Yero as he read to me; it had been two days since my visit to the hospital, and we now lay cuddled in bed in his dorm, my nude body pressed to his, listening intently as he read aloud. The sound of his voice, the feel of his fingers in my hair, the smell of paper caused my body to relax and enjoy the story.

He pressed a kiss to my hair, before continuing on. This was the sixth time he'd read the book to me; I couldn't get enough of it, or the movie, or the other books in the series. Something about Louis's problems made me forget about my own. Being my favorite author, I had all of Anne Rice's books; each one kept in pristine condition, the only major important thing to come with me from home when I went off to college. I'd bought the movies when I moved up here, and often found myself returning to the film or novel, in order to make some sense of my own life. Anne Rice is a genius, an _absolute_ genius, as far as I'm concerned. Not that I don't like her new writing; I love it, but I love the_ Vampire Chronicles_ more.

"It's beautiful."

He looked down at me, stopping mid-sentence. "What is?"

"The story."

He raised an eyebrow. "Lestat is murdered, Claudia dies midway through, and Louis ends up alone. How is that beautiful?"

I shrugged. "He loved her. Enough to take vengeance on those who killed her. And deep down, he loved Lestat too."

He sighed, returning to the book, keeping his comments to himself. I listened to him read for another couple hours, before asking if we could watch the movie instead. Curling up on the sofa, I watched as Lestat turned Louis into a vampire, and then did the same to Claudia. I watched as Claudia gave Lestat dead blood and then slit his throat, and then watched as Lestat returned from the dead. I knew the whole movie by heart, could recite every line without having to see the scene; it was an obsession that kept me sane on even my worst days.

_"Danger holds you to me."_ I whispered Claudia's words under my breath, not looking at Yero. But I felt him pull away, could sense his eyes on me. I kept my eyes locked on the screen, watched as Louis watched Claudia; only when I felt his fingers under my chin did I meet his eyes.

_"Love holds you to me."_

I took a deep breath, trying hard not to cry. He spoke with such sincerity; so like Louis, that for a moment, I felt as though Claudia had taken over my body. I said nothing; I was unable, so surprised and unsure, that I couldn't form coherent thought.

I didn't need too.

Our lips brushed together, and he set the book on the table, pulling me into his arms as Claudia rushed into Louis's arms and begged him not to leave her. We were mirror images- the damned and the cursed; two couples forced together by cruel fate, only to be torn apart at the hands of destiny. Only ours seemed much more cruel. When I pulled away, I asked,

"How can you stay with me? How can you... when you know that I'm going to die? Eventually, I will cease to exist. Either through murder or suicide, I will no longer be on this earth, thanks to this curse. Don't torture yourself, my love, my Yero. Once I'm gone, you will be free to do as you please."

"That's not true, Elphaba. You aren't cursed." I met his eyes.

"Yes I am, Yero. How can I not be, with this... this so-called gift hanging over my head. How can I expect to see ninteen with Death waiting for me around every corner?" I sighed and climbed off his lap, going to the entertainment center and running my fingers over the television screen. I watched in silence as Claudia and Madeline burnt to a sweet ash with the light of the sun, and suddenly, I had a fierce longing to join them in sweet, final death.

"_'Suppose death had a heart to love and to release you, to whom would he turn this passion, would you chose a person from the crowd?'_" I threw Santiago's words at my precious Yero, my lover, hoping against hope that he understood that the only way he would be safe would be to let me go, and let me meet my own demise alone. For me, at that moment, those words rang true. As I watched Louis burn the Opera House down in vengeance, I felt a part of my soul wither away; a part of me that had- finally- given up.

"She's a genius, Anne Rice. She gives a killer a soul, a mortal tie to our world; makes us sympathize with someone who will never age, who will never die, never walk in daylight. She gives a creature a heart, the ability to love despite his... curse. But he loses everything in the end. Everyone loses everything in the end... only those cursed lose more..."

He lifted my chin, and I looked into his eyes. I took a deep breath, feeling the tears course down my cheeks.

"You are no Louis, my love. You are no Lestat, and no Claudia. You are no immortal doll... you are you, and you will survive this. _We_ will survive this."

I shook my head, freely sobbing now. Once again, I choked out, _"Danger holds you to me."_

And once again, I heard Louis's reply- the reply that had become Yero's.

_"Love holds you to me."_


End file.
